The Muppet Movie Movie Poster

Quotes from The Muppet Movie

Showing all 106 items
    • [singing; repeated lines]
    • Kermit: Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers, and me.
    • [singing]
    • Kermit: Life's like a movie, write your own ending...
    • [singing]
    • All Muppets: Keep believing, keep pretending; we've done just what we've set out to do, thanks to the lovers, the dreamers, and you!
    • Kermit: That's pretty dangerous building a road in the middle of the street. I mean, if frogs couldn't hop, I'd be gone with the Schwinn.
    • Fozzie: I'm a professional. I've had three performances.
    • Fozzie: Oh, I'm so nervous. If I'm not funny, I won't be able to live with myself.
    • Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Well, then you'll have to get another apartment, won't you?
    • Fozzie: Ahh, a bear in his natural habitat - a Studebaker.
    • [after the Electric Mayhem paint the Studebaker]
    • Dr. Teeth: Doc Hopper will never recognize you now.
    • Fozzie: I don't know how to thank you guys.
    • Kermit: I don't know *why* to thank you guys.
    • Fozzie: Hey, why don't you join us?
    • Gonzo: Sure, if you want to do it the *easy* way.
    • [to Kermit]
    • Fozzie: We've picked up a weirdo...
    • Gonzo: Where are you going?
    • Fozzie: We're following our dream!
    • Gonzo: Really? I have a dream, too!
    • Fozzie: Oh?
    • Gonzo: But you'll think it's stupid.
    • Fozzie: No we won't, tell us, tell us!
    • Gonzo: Well, I want to go to Bombay, India and become a movie star.
    • Fozzie: You don't go to Bombay to become a movie star! You go where we're going: Hollywood.
    • Rowlf the Dog: It's not often you see a guy that green have the blues that bad.
    • Kermit: Where did you learn to drive?
    • Fozzie: I took a correspondence course.
    • [Kermit and the Muppets arrive in Hollywood]
    • Lord's Secretary: This is a movie studio, not a zoo. Besides...
    • [sneezes]
    • Lord's Secretary: ...I'm allergic to animal hair. Now get along all of you.
    • Kermit: Now wait a second, miss. I may not be one of your fancy Hollywood frogs, but I deserve a chance, and we're going to stay right here in this office until you let us in to see Lew Lord. Aren't we, gang?
    • [the Muppets shout "Yes" indistinctly]
    • [on the phone]
    • Lord's Secretary: Security, Miss Tracey. I want to report a...
    • [the Muppets shake their fur, causing the secretary to sneeze convulsively until she finally opens the office door]
    • Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie, look, it's wonderful. Like a dream come true.
    • Kermit: Well, don't count your tadpoles until they've hatched, I still have to audition, you know.
    • Floyd Pepper: Hey, there ain't nothin' to it but to do it!
    • [closes the door]
    • Lord's Secretary: And where do you think you're going?
    • Kermit: Oh, hi there. We're here to audition for Lew Lord.
    • Lord's Secretary: You just can't walk in here off the street you know, especially with all these animals.
    • Kermit: Animals? Wh-What's wrong with animals?
    • [Muppets mutter indignantly but indistinctly]
    • El Sleezo Patron: Hello, sailor, buy me a drink?
    • El Sleezo Tough: Yeah, but she's my "myth"!
    • Kermit: No, no, myth, myth!
    • Myth: Yeth?
    • Kermit: Well, you see, I'm not a sailor, I'm a frog.
    • El Sleezo Patron: Oh, cut the small talk and buy me a drink.
    • Kermit: I don't even know you.
    • El Sleezo Tough: Hey. Did you make a move with my girl?
    • Kermit: No, sir.
    • El Sleezo Patron: He did too. He touched me.
    • El Sleezo Tough: Ugh. Wash up, you'll get warts.
    • Kermit: That's a myth.
    • [Professor Max Krassman has just put Kermit in the electronic beanie]
    • [desperate]
    • Miss Piggy: Please! Please! Not my frog, please!
    • Max Krassman: Say goodbye to your frog, pig!
    • Miss Piggy: Why should I?
    • Max Krassman: Because in 10 seconds, he won't know *you* from kosher bacon.
    • [furious]
    • Miss Piggy: That does it!
    • El Sleezo Cafe Owner: That's toughest, meanest, *filthiest* pest hole on the face of the earth!
    • Kermit: Why not complain to the owner?
    • El Sleezo Cafe Owner: I *am* the owner.
    • [when seeing Fozzie perform for the first time]
    • Kermit: This guy's lost.
    • Waiter: Maybe he should try Hare Krishna.
    • Kermit: Good grief, it's a running gag.
    • Fozzie: There was this sailor who was so fat!
    • Sailor: How fat was he?
    • [breaks bottle and points it towards him threateningly]
    • [Nervously]
    • Fozzie: Uh, he was so fat that everybody liked him and there was nothing funny about him at all.
    • Kermit: Hey, Fozzie, I want you to turn left if you come to a fork in the road.
    • Fozzie: Yes sir, turn left at the fork in the road.
    • [drives past a giant fork]
    • Fozzie: Kermit!
    • Kermit: I don't believe that.
    • [watching Gonzo fly over the fair with a bunch of balloons]
    • Kermit: Gonzo! What are you doing?
    • Gonzo: About seven knots!
    • Sam the Eagle: Kermit, does this film have socially redeeming value?
    • Robin the Frog: Uncle Kermit, is this how the Muppets *really* got started?
    • Kermit: Well, it's sort of approximately how it happened.
    • Max Krassman: It is important to remember that you have to hold on to your hat.
    • Doc Hopper: What for?
    • Max Krassman: When a German scientist tells you to hold on to your hat, it's not casual conversation. HOLD ON TO YOUR HAT! HAT! HOLD!
    • [Doc Hopper grabs his hat brim]
    • Max Krassman: Good.
    • [first lines]
    • Statler: I'm Statler.
    • Waldorf: I'm Waldorf. We're here to heckle "The Muppet Movie".
    • Gate Guard: Gentlemen, that's straight ahead. Private screening room D.
    • Statler: Private screening?
    • Waldorf: Yeah, they're afraid to show it in public.
    • [they laugh as their car proceeds forward]
    • Statler: I like the movie fine so far.
    • Waldorf: It hasn't started yet.
    • Statler: That's what I like about it.
    • [they laugh]
    • The Swedish Chef: The flim is okee-dokee.
    • Kermit: Good, roll film.
    • The Swedish Chef: Flim is rooling!
    • [whispering]
    • Kermit: This is the patriotic part.
    • [whispering back]
    • Robin the Frog: Should we stand up?
    • Kermit: No.
    • [after singing "America the Beautiful"]
    • Fozzie: Patriotism swells in the heart of the American bear.
    • [the members of The Electric Mayhem are introducing themselves one by one]
    • Zoot: I'm, uh, uhh...
    • Floyd Pepper: Zoot. Sax is your axe. Uh-oh, Zoot skipped a groove again.
    • [repeated line]
    • Fozzie: No problem.
    • [gushing]
    • Miss Piggy: Ooh, you mad, impetuous thing, it's champagne!
    • Insolent Waiter: Not exactly. Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho.
    • [Animal roars and scares Kermit and Fozzie]
    • Floyd Pepper: Back!
    • Animal: BACK!
    • Floyd Pepper: Sit!
    • Animal: SIT!
    • Floyd Pepper: Oh, yeah, that's Animal. Show 'em what you do, Animal.
    • Animal: I want to - eat drums!
    • [chews on a cymbal]
    • Dr. Teeth: No, no. Beat drums, beat drums!
    • [stops chewing]
    • Animal: Beat drums! Beat drums!
    • [Starts beating his head against that same cymbal]
    • Floyd Pepper: Down, Animal!
    • Animal: DOWN!
    • Kermit: Gee. A Studebaker. Where did you get it?
    • Fozzie: Oh, my uncle left it to me.
    • Kermit: Huh, is he dead?
    • Fozzie: No, he's hibernating.
    • [as Beaker combs her hair, he comes across a tangle]
    • Miss Piggy: Ow!
    • [turns around]
    • Miss Piggy: Watch it!
    • [Beaker beeps back hurriedly]
    • [through his megaphone]
    • Kermit: Miss Piggy, you look beautiful!
    • Miss Piggy: Thank you!
    • [aside]
    • Kermit: Hollywood talk.
    • Miss Piggy: Kermie, whisper sweet nothings into my ear.
    • Kermit: Uh... motorcycle cop.
    • Miss Piggy: "Motorcycle cop" is a sweet nothing?
    • Kermit: A motorcycle cop is chasing us.
    • Kermit: What's happening?
    • Floyd Pepper: At the moment, *we're* what's happenin'.
    • Rowlf the Dog: Oh. Broken heart, right?
    • Kermit: But I can't.
    • Rowlf the Dog: Neither can I. And that's my trouble.
    • [sadly]
    • Kermit: Does it show?
    • Rowlf the Dog: Listen, when you've been tickling the ivories as long as I have, you've seen a broken heart for every drop of rain, a shattered dream for every falling star.
    • Kermit: Exactly. She just walked out on me.
    • Rowlf the Dog: Ah, typical. That's why I live alone.
    • Kermit: You do, huh?
    • Rowlf the Dog: You bet. I finish work, I go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk, and go to bed.
    • Kermit: Nice and simple.
    • Rowlf the Dog: Stay away from women. That's my motto.
    • [singing]
    • Rowlf the Dog: You can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em. / There's something irresistible-ish about 'em. / We grin and bear it 'cause the nights are long. / I hope that something better comes along.
    • Statler: Well, how do you like the film?
    • Waldorf: I've seen detergents leave a better film than this.
    • [they laugh]
    • Kermit: It's too bad the dancing girls are on vacation; this crowd's getting ugly.
    • Fozzie: Huh. If you think this crowd's ugly, you should see the dancing girls.
    • Bernie: If you ever come out west to Hollywood, look me up: Bernie, the agent.
    • Kermit: Hey, listen, Bernie the Agent, why don't you say "hello" to Arnie the alligator?
    • Mad Man Mooney: Jack, get rid of this heap. Come out here!
    • Sweetums: What? What?
    • Mad Man Mooney: That's my jack.
    • Kermit: Oh, hi Jack!
    • Sweetums: Jack not name! Jack job!
    • [whispering]
    • Mad Man Mooney: How many times have I told you not to talk to the customers?
    • Doc Hopper: Listen, we're a small business but we've expanded. Expanded! Just like you frogs expand. Don't you frogs expand?
    • Kermit: C'mon, bear, burn rubber!
    • [puffs his cheeks]
    • Kermit: That's a myth.
    • Doc Hopper: What?
    • Kermit: Myth! Myth!
    • Myth: Yeth?
    • Kermit: Huh?
    • [same with Fozzie]
    • [to Fozzie]
    • Kermit: Hey, Fozzie, look up ahead there.
    • Fozzie: What is that?
    • Kermit: Maybe we should give him a ride.
    • Fozzie: I don't know, he's pretty big.
    • [to Big Bird]
    • Fozzie: Hey there, wanna lift?
    • Big Bird: Oh, no thanks. I'm on my way to New York City to try to break into public television.
    • Fozzie: Oh. Hm, good luck.
    • [after Fozzie speeds off from the TV shop]
    • Doc Hopper: Max! Follow that frog!
    • [Max drives off leaving Doc Hopper behind]
    • [screaming]
    • Doc Hopper: Max!
    • [Max stops and reverses the car]
    • Doc Hopper: Follow that frog with *me* in the car!
    • [walking into the church and seeing the Electric Mayhem]
    • Fozzie: They don't look like Presbyterians to me.
    • [reading the screenplay]
    • Dr. Teeth: "Interior. Church. Day. Fozzie: 'They don't look like Presbyterians to me.'"
    • [repeated line]
    • Fozzie: Wacka, wacka.
    • Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Sound is ready. Gimme a level.
    • [yelling through microphone]
    • Animal: *TES-TIIIING!*
    • [we see Bunsen's headphones rattle repeatedly]
    • Animal: Ah-ha-ha-ha.
    • Miss Piggy: Oh Kermie, you were so courageous, so magnificent!
    • Kermit: Gee, I don't know what to say.
    • Fozzie: Say the bear was magnificent. After all, I did the driving.
    • Gonzo: And I took a hundred-foot belly flop onto a moving car!
    • Miss Piggy: Yes, but Kermit assumed the awesome responsibility of command!
    • Kermit: Gee.
    • Fozzie: Oh, brother.
    • Fozzie: Hello, I'd like an ice cream.
    • Ice Cream Vendor: And one dragonfly ripple for the frog.
    • Fozzie: Yucha.
    • Ice Cream Vendor: Don't get 'em mixed up.
    • Fozzie: Gotcha.
    • Ice Cream Vendor: What do you want? Chocolate, vanilla, coffee, peach, fudge, rum, banana?
    • Fozzie: Honey.
    • Ice Cream Vendor: Honey? I beg your pardon, I hardly know you.
    • Fozzie: Ah! But seriously, I'd like a honey ice cream cone for me, and a dragonfly ripple for my friend the frog.
    • Ice Cream Vendor: OK.
    • [handing him the ice creams]
    • Ice Cream Vendor: One honey cone for the bear.
    • Fozzie: Yeah.
    • Fozzie: Kermit, where are we?
    • Kermit: Who's driving?
    • [Looking at a map]
    • Kermit: Well, let's see. We're just traveling down this little black line here, and uh, just crossed that little red line over here.
    • [after taking his eyes off the road to focus on the map]
    • Fozzie: How about, let's take the blue line, huh?
    • Kermit: No, we can't take that, that's a river.
    • Fozzie: Oh. I knew that.
    • Kermit: Yeah sure.
    • Fozzie: Well, listen Kermit, why don't we just go and...
    • [Cutting him off]
    • Kermit: Fozzie? Uh, Fozzie?
    • Fozzie: Yeah?
    • [after Fozzie parks the car in front of a church and turns it off]
    • Kermit: Boy, it feels like we've been driving for days.
    • [Still upbeat]
    • Fozzie: Funny, yet I'm still wide awake!
    • Kermit: Yup. Me, too.
    • [Two seconds later Fozzie's head falls back, and he immediately starts snoring. Kermit jumps at that, then shrugs]
    • [quietly]
    • Kermit: Me, too.
    • [Drops his head back and settles in himself]
    • [to Crazy Harry]
    • Dr. Teeth: You know, I hear this movie's dynamite.
    • [Crazy Harry blows up a chair]
    • Kermit: Frankly, Miss Piggy, I don't give a hoot.
    • [navigating in the Studebaker]
    • Kermit: Bear left.
    • Fozzie: Right, frog.
    • Doc Hopper: Max, I've done my best with that frog, now's the time to do my worst. Open the door.
    • Max: No, YOU open the door!
    • Doc Hopper: What?
    • Max: I'm through, Doc. The frog is right. You're asking him to do something terrible. I can't be a part of it. It's a moral decision and I'll stand by it.
    • Doc Hopper: I'll double your percentage.
    • Max: I'll open the door.
    • Floyd Pepper: What in the name of Fats Waller is that?
    • Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: A four foot prune!
    • [on reading "The Muppet Movie" sceenplay]
    • Dr. Teeth: This is a narrative of very heavy-duty proportions.
    • [asks the waiter to taste the wine for him and Miss Piggy]
    • Kermit: Will you taste it for us, please?
    • [tastes the wine, makes a face and spits it out]
    • Insolent Waiter: Ooh! Ah... Excellent - choice.
    • [to Miss Piggy]
    • Kermit: Should be, for ninety-five cents.
    • [impressed]
    • Miss Piggy: Ooooh!
    • Doc Hopper: No frog's gonna make a monkey out of me!
    • Kermit: If what I'm saying doesn't make any sense, well then... go ahead and kill me.
    • [takes off his hat and fluffs his hair; reluctantly]
    • Doc Hopper: All right boys. Kill him.
    • Kermit: That's enough of that, Harry!
    • [Movie stops after burning in projector lamp]
    • Kermit: Hey, what happened?
    • [In projector booth, covered in film]
    • The Swedish Chef: Gersh gurndy morn-dee burn-dee, burn-dee, flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip.
    • [pointing to a billboard showing a bucket of "Doc Hopper's French Fried Frog Legs"]
    • Doc Hopper: Isn't that splendid? Just splendid! Just take a look at it.
    • Kermit: All I can see are millions of frogs with tiny crutches.
    • Doc Hopper: This is Snake Walker. Tell 'em what you do, Snake.
    • [removes his sunglasses]
    • Frog Killer: Kill frogs.
    • [to audience]
    • Kermit: I hope you appreciate that I'm doing all my own stunts.
    • Crazy Harry: Crazy Harry plays with electricity! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!
    • [about the Insta-Grow pills]
    • Floyd Pepper: What else do these pills make big?
    • Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Oh, they'll work on anything, but the effect is, sadly, temporary.
    • Beaker: Sadly temporary.
    • Rowlf the Dog: Rolling! OK everybody, stay in focus.
    • Dr. Teeth: It's the man with the badge, the PO-lice, the cops, the fuzz, the P-I-...
    • Miss Piggy: Don't you dare!
    • Dr. Teeth: I wouldn't think of it.
    • El Sleezo Pianist: And now, filling in for the vacationing El Sleezo Dancing Girls, the funny, furry, fabulous - Fozzie Bear!
    • [to the audience]
    • Charlie McCarthy: You're not gonna believe who the winner is, folks.
    • Edgar Bergen: Oh, come now, Charlie, it's their movie.
    • Charlie McCarthy: Oh, so it is, yes.
    • Gonzo: All right, Camilla, I'll get you a balloon, but *you* have to pick the color: red or green?
    • Gonzo: Gaga? I'll take the whole bunch!
    • Camilla: Gaga! Gaga!
    • Balloon Vendor: Can I give you a word of advice?
    • Gonzo: What?
    • Balloon Vendor: Why not take both?
    • [smiles encouragingly]
    • [gasps]
    • Gonzo: What a wild idea!
    • Balloon Vendor: Yeah, a beautiful chicken like that deserves two balloons.
    • Gonzo: You're right.
    • Balloon Vendor: I have guys come in all the time. Sometimes, they'll get a buncha balloons for their girls, and they go gaga for it.
    • Beauty Contest Compere: And here she is folks, this year's Miss Bogen County: Misssss... Piggy!
    • Floyd Pepper: We am, is, are, and be, they whom as are known as: The Electric Mayhem!
    • Dr. Teeth: Golden teeth and golden tones, welcome to my presence.
    • Dr. Teeth: Too true. Too true. It is indeed a problem for us to 'probosculate' upon. But it seems to me the frog and the bear are temporarily out of service.
    • Animal: IR-RI-TA-TED! IR-RI-TA-TED!
    • Kermit: Don't worry, Animal, your big scene is coming up.
    • Floyd Pepper: Yeah, just be cool and eat another seat cushion.
    • Animal: SEAT CUSHION!
    • [rips off some upholstery and stuffing at the corner of his chair and eats it]
    • Kermit: I didn't promise anybody anything. What do I know about Hollywood, anyway? Just a dream I got from sitting through too many double features.
    • Kermit's Conscience: No, they believed in the dream.
    • Kermit: Well, so do I, but...
    • Kermit's Conscience: You do?
    • Kermit: Yeah! Of course I do.
    • Kermit's Conscience: Well then?
    • Kermit: Well then... I guess I was wrong when I said I never promised anyone. I promised me.
    • Kermit's Conscience: So why did you leave the swamp in the first place?
    • Kermit: 'Cause some agent fella said I had talent. He probably says that to everybody.
    • Kermit's Conscience: On the other hand, if you hadn't left the swamp, you'd be feeling pretty miserable anyhow.
    • Kermit: Yeah. But then it would just be me feeling miserable. Now I got a lady pig, and a bear, and a chicken, a dog, a thing, whatever Gonzo is. He's a little like a turkey.
    • [Kermit's Conscience is sitting on a rock behind him]
    • Kermit's Conscience: Mmm - Yeah. A little like a turkey, but not much.
    • Kermit: No I guess not. Anyhow, I brought them all out here to the middle of nowhere, and it's all my fault.
    • Kermit's Conscience: Still, whether you promised them something or not, you gotta remember - they wanted to come.
    • Kermit: But... that's because they believed in me.
    • Kermit: That's Piggy!
    • Fozzie: Yes, I know!
    • Rowlf the Dog: Hey, you do think we should help her with her bags?
    • Fozzie: Aah, no.
    • [Everyone]
    • Fozzie: No, nah, un-uh.
    • Rowlf the Dog: ha ha!
    • [trying to dash after the others, who are continuing on their way to Hollywood in Fozzie's new car]
    • Sweetums: Hey! Hey, where're you goin'? Hey! Wait for me! I wanna go to Hollywood! Hey, wait for me! C'mon, guys! Wait, please! I wanna go to Hollywood!
    • Doc Hopper: Hey, maybe this frog does everything. He talks, he sings, he dances, he tells jokes, he even rides a bicycle. Max, find me a frog and a bear in a tan Studebaker.
    • [Fozzie and Kermit appear in Fozzie's Studebaker, now rainbow-colored]
    • Max: Gee, Doc, all I can see is a frog and a bear in a rainbow-colored Studebaker.
    • [last lines - into camera]
    • Animal: Go home! Go home! Bye-bye.
    • [faints]
    • Kermit: Oh, waiter...
    • [reluctantly]
    • Insolent Waiter: Yes? May I help you?
    • Kermit: The uh, the wine, please.
    • Kermit: You may serve us now, please.
    • Insolent Waiter: Oh... may I?
    • Insolent Waiter: Miss Piggy? Miss Piggy! Are you Miss Piggy?
    • Miss Piggy: Yes.
    • Insolent Waiter: Telephone.
    • Insolent Waiter: Phone call for Kermit the Frog. You Kermit the Frog?
    • Kermit: Yeah.
    • Insolent Waiter: Phone.
    • [explaining his machine]
    • Max Krassman: We take your friend, the little F-O-R-G, put him in the chair, clamp on the terminals, drop the electronic "yarmulke," and then throw what we call in German - THE SVITCH!
    • [laughs]
    • Max Krassman: Yes, my friend, soon it'll be a hot time in the old skull tonight!
    • [turns off the switch]
    • Max Krassman: Thank you, Herr Machine.
    • [putting Kermit in the machine]
    • Max Krassman: Oh, will you stop whimpering? Go out like a frog, not a little toad. Okay, Herr Machine, this is big time! Ready to go to work? Hand clamps! Foot clamps!
    • [locks Kermit in]
    • Max Krassman: Ha, ha, ha, you can struggle all you want now, frog, it'll do you very little *good*! And now, it's time to drop the electronic beanie. Soon you'll have enough voltage coursing through your little frog brain to light up Cincinatti!
    • [about Krassman's machine]
    • Doc Hopper: What does it do?
    • Max Krassman: What does it do? What does it do? It turns the brains into guacamole!
    • Doc Hopper: I'll be back later to pick up what's left of the frog.
    • Max Krassman: What's left of the frog? You can have everything - excuse the brain!
    • [Doc Hopper is following Kermit and Fozzie in the rainbow disguised car]
    • Kermit: Fozzie, they're right behind us!
    • Fozzie: I know, I know.
    • Kermit: But Fozzie, how did they recognize us?
    • Fozzie: They recognized YOU. There's a hundred bears around.
    • [singing]
    • Gonzo: There's not a word yet, for old friends who've just met.
    • Bernie the Agent: Help! Hello! This is a serious call for help!
    • Kermit: With *that* tongue? No way.
    • [laughs]
    • Kermit: But seriously, there's a boat dock just downstream.
    • Bernie the Agent: Thank you.
    • Kermit: Just watch out for the alligators.
    • Bernie the Agent: I will.
    • [he starts to leave but turns back to Kermit, apprehensive]
    • Bernie the Agent: Alligators?
    • Kermit: That's right.
    • Bernie the Agent: Did you say alligators?
    • Kermit: Uh, yeah?
    • Kermit: Read my lips: al-lee-gay-twers.
    • Bernie the Agent: Someone - help! Ah - I, oh! Oh! You, you with the banjo - uh, can you help me? I have lost my sense of direction.
    • Kermit: Uh, have you tried Hare Krishna?
    • [briefly laughs sarcastically]
    • Bernie the Agent: No. No, I mean I'm really lost.
    • Kermit: Uh, one second.
    • [he tries to catch a fly with his tongue, but misses]
    • Kermit: Uh, darn I missed. You know, that's the first thing to go on a frog, his tongue. The tongue goes and you can't catch flies.
    • Bernie the Agent: Well, that's rough, I'm sorry about your tongue, but I have to get out of this swamp; I have to catch a plane.
    • [while driving down the road in the car]
    • Fozzie: Ah, a bear in his natural habitat. A Studebaker!
    • Floyd Pepper: Yeah, the road manager. We couldn't go anywhere without him.
    • Fozzie: He's the man with the contacts?
    • Dr. Teeth: No, he's the man with the van.
    • [to Miss Piggy]
    • Gonzo: If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable.
    • [after he's thrown behind the bar, he pops up wearing a beard and dressed like the bartender]
    • [Yelling]
    • Fozzie: Okay everybody, drinks on the house!
    • Male El Sleezo Patron: Hey, drinks on the house! C'mon let's go!
    • [as everyone but him and Kermit vacate the place]
    • Fozzie: Yeah. Yeah. Go, go. They're on the house!
    • [Cut to the roof of the El Sleezo, where everyone else is now]
    • [Among the confusion and chatter of everyone else]
    • Male El Sleezo Patron: Wait a minute! There're no drinks up here! What's he talking about? The bartender told us there were drinks on the house!
    • [Cut back to the interior of the El Sleezo. After Fozzie removes the beard and moustache]
    • Fozzie: Works every time.
    • [as he and the gang enter his office]
    • Kermit: Um, Mr. Lord, forgive the interruption, but I'm here to audition.
    • All Muppets: Yes! Yes!
    • Kermit: We've come over 2000 miles, and...
    • [Stops when Lew Lord turns around in his chair to face him, making him nervous now]
    • Kermit: Um... oh boy.
    • Miss Piggy: Kermie, we are all with you.
    • Kermit: Um, please sir, my name is Kermit the Frog, and we've read your ad, and, well, we've come to be rich and famous.
    • [Has a brief staredown with Kermit, then into his intercom]
    • Lew Lord: Miss Tracy, prepare the standard 'Rich and Famous' contract for Kermit the Frog and Company.
    • [They all look stunned for a moment, then all the rest of the Muppets start cheering and celebrating behind Kermit, who just loo]
    • Max Krassman: What the heck's going on here? A pig that goes bananas? What is this, a luau?
    • [singing]
    • Kermit: I've heard it too many times to ignore it. It's something that I'm s'posed to be.
    • [after Kermit has turned down Doc Hopper's offer]
    • Fozzie: Five hundred dollars? Would you consider a bear in a frog suit?
    • Kermit: Fozzie!
    • Fozzie: I'm sorry, sir, I just lost my head.
    • [as Kermit and Fozzie drive off]
    • Doc Hopper: Just a minute, Mr. Frog. Everything's negotiable!
    • Rowlf the Dog: It's the fuzz, the police, the man with the badge. The P - I...
    • Miss Piggy: Don't you dare!
    • Rowlf the Dog: Oh, I wouldn't think of it.
    • Kermit: Did we do something wrong, Officer?
    • Kermit: Okay.
    • [to Max]
    • Kermit: You tell Doc Hopper. I'll wait for him there.
    • Max: What?
    • [as everybody get scared and concerned]
    • Fozzie: You could killed, Kermit.
    • Kermit: Listen you guys, I can't spend my whole life running away from bullies, It's time for a showdown.
    • [Shocked when it reveals that the police officer is Max]
    • Kermit: Okay, Guys! Let him explain the violation issue.
    • Max: This whole disguise is only so that I can warn you!
    • Fozzie: Okay, Sure, Sure.
    • Max: I never thought Doc was going to hurt Kermit, I thought he was going to lean on him. But now he has hired a frog killer in from the coast, And the man is DEADLY!
    • [Everybody gets shocked about the frog killer]
    • Kermit: Hey Dr. Teeth, What's up ahead?
    • Dr. Teeth: Well, Just an old ghost town.
    • [as Kermit enters his and Beaker's lab at the ghost town]
    • Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Welcome to our laboratory.
    • [pause as Kermit looks up at their school clock, then starts touring their lab]
    • Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Please don't touch anything.
    • Kermit: Well, I have a dream too, but it's about singing and dancing and making people happy. It's the kind of dream that gets better the more people you share it with. And I found a whole group of friends who have the same dream, and that makes us sort of like a family.
Movie details provided by