Office Christmas Party Movie Poster

Quotes from Office Christmas Party

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    • Lonny: So, Carol. You know, that's my grandmother's name.
    • [distracted momentarily]
    • Carol Vanstone: Mmm. No, I did not know that.
    • Lonny: Yeah.
    • Carol Vanstone: Oh.
    • Lonny: It's kind of an old-timey name. Don't really hear "Carol" much anymore. It's like...
    • [imitates an old woman]
    • Lonny: "Hi, I'm Carol. I gotta get home before I miss my stories." "Hi, I'm Carol. I heard about Pearl Harbor on the radio." "Hi, I'm Carol. I died in the beginning of 'Up'."
    • [enters the empty, now-trashed office]
    • Mary: Hey, guys, I got doughnuts! I got, uh, jelly and glazed and, uh, some other stuff. But no Cronuts, that's a bastard pastry.
    • [runs into Jeremy]
    • Jeremy: I still hate your rules. But your dancing is wild and free. Like an unmanned fire hose.
    • [looks at him below his waist]
    • Mary: Put your pants on.
    • [turns/walks away]
    • Mary: For now.
    • [after getting into an argument with Jeremy]
    • Mary: I know why you took a medical leave.
    • Clay Vanstone: Hey, God. I know I haven't asked for a lot in this life. Granted, I was born rich... and white... and a man... and straight. Well, except for that one time in Vegas, but that was Vegas.
    • Trina: Hey, Santa! Wanna party?
    • Carol Vanstone: All right, if by some miracle you can close Walter Davis and his 14 million dollar account, your jobs are safe.
    • Clay Vanstone: Done! And you're going to look so stupid!
    • [Begins walking out of the door]
    • Carol Vanstone: Then we'll finally have something in common!
    • [the door shuts]
    • Clay Vanstone: Goddammit, she's so mean!
    • [re Mary's mini-van]
    • Josh Parker: Can this thing handle snow?
    • Mary: Oh, please. It's a Kia. It's what God would drive.
    • Josh Parker: Put the RedBull down.
    • [sees a guy getting beaten]
    • Josh Parker: Maybe he deserved it, who knows.
    • Clay Vanstone: I gotta tell you, I was always like, "Tracey, this doesn't make any sense," and she was like, "Words, words, words and some numbers." But she did it.
    • Carol Vanstone: Get me on any goddamn plane, all right? I have enough miles to orbit the sun.
    • Airline Concierge: I'm sorry, ma'am. All flights are grounded until the snow clears. There's nothing more I can do.
    • Carol Vanstone: Well, refer me to someone who can do something!
    • Airline Concierge: That would be God, ma'am.
    • Carol Vanstone: Oh. Her.
    • [to the Russian thug whom Carol has pinned against the pool table]
    • Josh Parker: You do not want to die at the hands of Lululemon here. It'd be real embarrassing. You're a large guy, and she's made of nothing but salad and Smartwater.
    • Josh Parker: Mary, why do you even have a minivan? You don't have kids.
    • Mary: I buy in bulk!
    • [looks around as he, Trina, Savannah, and Alexei enter The Red Star]
    • Clay Vanstone: Ooh, there's a car on fire. Did the Bears win?
    • Josh Parker: You... You thought you'd bring the kid, huh?
    • Dean: Yeah. We couldn't get anyone to watch him. But don't worry, he has an iPad. We could axe murder each other and he wouldn't even notice. He'll just sit there with that dumb look on his face.
    • [the boy looks at Josh with the "dumb look"]
    • Dean: Yeah, that's the one.
    • [picks up a hair trimmer]
    • Clay Vanstone: Hey, what about this for Alan from legal?
    • Josh Parker: Well, Alan's bald.
    • [puts the trimmer down]
    • Clay Vanstone: It's so hard to shop for the bald. Who are they? What do they want?
    • Josh Parker: Hair.
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