The Fearless Vampire Killers Movie Poster

Quotes from The Fearless Vampire Killers

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    • Count Von Krolock: A year ago exactly on this same night we were assembled here in this very room: I your pastor, and you my beloved flock. With hopefulness in my heart I told you then that with Lucifer's aid we might look forward to a more succulent occasion. Cast back your minds. There we were, gathered together, gloomy and despondent, around a single meager woodcutter.
    • [Magda tries to fend off Shagal, a Jewish Vampire, with a cross]
    • Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: Oy vey, have you got the wrong vampire.
    • [last lines]
    • Narrator: That night, fleeing from Transylvania, Professor Abronsius never guessed he was carrying away with him the very evil he had wished to destroy. Thanks to him, this evil would at last be able to spread across the world.
    • Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: Shouldn't we build a barricade?
    • Professor Abronsius: No, that would be bad tactics.
    • Count Von Krolock: I am a night bird. I am not much good in the daytime.
    • [opening lines]
    • Narrator: That night, penetrating deep into the heart of Transylvania, Professor Abronsius was unaware that he was on the point of reaching the goal of his mysterious investigations. In the course of which he had journeyed throughout Central Europe for years accompanied by his one and only faithful disciple, Alfred. A scholar and scientist whose genius was unappreciated, Abronsius had given up all to devote himself body and soul to what was to him a sacred mission. He had even lost his chair at Königsberg University, where for a long time his colleagues used to refer to him as "The Nut".
    • Sarah Shagal: I got into the habit of it at school. It's funny Papa. You can't just change your habits in a couple of months, can you? Besides, it's good for your health. Once a day is the very least. Don't you agree?
    • [laughs nervously]
    • Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: Yes.
    • Sarah Shagal: Do you mind if I have a quick one?
    • Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: Huh?
    • [Thinks she means something else]
    • Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: I don't mind at all, but...
    • Sarah Shagal: Oh, thank you! You are being very nice. Now could you get me some hot water?
    • [Alfred hears her scream and makes his way to the bathroom door]
    • Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: I told you, no bath! No bath! No bath! No bath!
    • [He stops]
    • Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: Now you satisfied?
    • [crying]
    • Sarah Shagal: Papa...
    • Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: Now you got it.
    • Sarah Shagal: No!
    • Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: I told you to stay in your room! But you always take a bath!
    • Sarah Shagal: No! No! No!
    • Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: I'll give you that bath!
    • Sarah Shagal: I won't! I won't, Papa! No!
    • [Alfred looks through a keyhole to see what's going on]
    • [spanking her]
    • Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: I told you, every day you are having baths!
    • [kicking and screaming]
    • Sarah Shagal: I won't!
    • Professor Abronsius: Takes me for a nincompoop, that necrophile.
    • [Last Lines]
    • Narrator: That night, fleeing from Transylvania, Professor Abronsius never guessed that he was carrying away with him the very evil he had sought to destroy. Thanks to him, this evil would now be able to spread itself across the world.
    • [to Shagal]
    • Professor Abronsius: I'm not completely daft, you know.
    • Professor Abronsius: Garlic!
    • Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: You think so?
    • Professor Abronsius: Almost without a doubt.
    • Professor Abronsius: Is there a Castle nearby?
    • Village Idiot: There's a Castle!
    • [the crowd muffles him]
    • Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: What's my good little fairy up to? What she doing? Huh?
    • Magda, the Maid: Your good little fairy is mending your nightshirt.
    • Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: This nightshirt is mine? No? Yeah! I could - its perfect as it is. I'll try it on.
    • Magda, the Maid: If you try your nightshirt in my room, I scream.
    • Village Idiot: Stick it vhere?
    • Professor Abronsius: Alas, Madame Shagal, I have already explained to you, the body of Mr. Shagal is destroyed; but, one can save his soul.
    • Village Idiot: With this?
    • Professor Abronsius: By sticking it in.
    • Village Idiot: Sticking it in?
    • Professor Abronsius: Yes.
    • Village Idiot: Vhere?
    • Count Von Krolock: Professor Abronsius. Königsberg University. This alters everything.
    • Professor Abronsius: Did you hear how he held is own? On the subject of the bats? Really sound arguments. Not like those morons from Königsberg.
    • [Alfred joining the Professor in his bed]
    • Professor Abronsius: What are you doing?
    • Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: I'm going to bed.
    • Professor Abronsius: What has come over you? Go to your own bed!
    • Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: Alone?
    • Professor Abronsius: A castle without a crypt is like a unicorn without a horn.
    • Professor Abronsius: For the sake of Shagal's daughter, open it!
    • Herbert von Krolock: Somebody is in love. Somebody's little heart is beating around in their bosom. Pitter-pat. Pitter-pat. Pitter-pat. Like a rat in a cage.
    • Count Von Krolock: Your young assistant will make an excellent companion for my son. He's already quite fond of him. He's told me so. He's a gentle, sensitive youth. In the course of the centuries, they will learn to know each other better.
    • Count Von Krolock: I must leave you now. See you later gentlemen. Meditate - while awaiting your turn. For it will be extremely difficult to get away from here; unless, of course, you have wings - like a bat.
    • Professor Abronsius: He displeased me as much this evening as he impressed me the first time.
    • Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: Come on, take it off!
    • Magda, the Maid: Don't you look.
    • Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: I'm not looking. I'm not looking.
    • Professor Abronsius: Shagal, about that girl...
    • Professor Abronsius: Yeah?
    • Professor Abronsius: Don't you touch her!
    • Shagal, the Inn-Keeper: Ah! I'm not touching! Who's touching?
    • Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: It is I. Life has a meaning once more. We are going to save you.
    • Professor Abronsius: After a good transfusion - and a few days rest, you will be as right as rain, my child.
    • Alfred, Abronsius' Assistant: Venice. The palaces. The sky. Venice, Sarah, Venice. The gondolas. The sun. The sea.
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