The Big Lebowski Movie Poster

Quotes from The Big Lebowski

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    • Donny: Phone's ringing, Dude.
    • The Dude: Thank you, Donny.
    • Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?
    • The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.
    • Walter Sobchak: When we make the handoff, I double back, grab one of 'em and beat it out of him! Huh?
    • The Dude: That's a great plan, Walter. That's fuckin' ingenious, if I understand it correctly. It's a Swiss fuckin' watch.
    • [Maude shows the porn video starring Bunny to the Dude]
    • [on video]
    • Sherry in 'Logjammin': You must be here to fix the cable.
    • Maude Lebowski: Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.
    • The Dude: He fixes the cable?
    • Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.
    • The Dude: Also, my rug was stolen.
    • Younger Cop: The rug was in the car?
    • The Dude: No. It was here.
    • [eager]
    • Younger Cop: Oh, separate incidents.
    • [on answering machine]
    • Maude Lebowski: Jeffrey, this is Maude Lebowski. I need to see you. I'm the one who took your rug.
    • Younger Cop: Well. I guess we can close the file on that one.
    • The Dude: These are, uh...
    • Brandt: Oh, those are Mr Lebowski's children, so to speak.
    • The Dude: Different mothers, huh?
    • Brandt: No.
    • The Dude: Racially he's pretty cool?
    • [laughs]
    • Brandt: They're not literally his children. They're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers - inner city children of promise but without the necessary means for a - necessary means for a higher education. So Mr Lebowski is committed to sending all of them to college.
    • [repeated line by The Dude and others]
    • The Dude: That rug really tied the room together.
    • The Big Lebowski: They did not receive the money, you nitwit! They did not receive the money! Her life was in your hands!
    • Brandt: This is our concern, Dude.
    • [being forced into a limousine]
    • The Dude: Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!
    • The Dude: And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man.
    • Walter Sobchak: You mean... beyond pacifism?
    • Jesus Quintana: Nobody fucks with the Jesus!
    • The Dude: Mind if I do a J?
    • Walter Sobchak: Your wheel! At fifteen m-p-h I roll out! I double back, grab one of 'em and beat it out of him! The uzi!
    • The Dude: Uzi?
    • Walter Sobchak: You didn't think I was rolling out of here naked!
    • Brandt: Mr. Lebowski is prepared to make a generous offer to you to act as courier, once we get instructions for the money.
    • The Dude: Why me, man?
    • Brandt: He believes the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your rug, and you are in a unique position to confirm or disconfirm that suspicion.
    • The Dude: He thinks the carpet pissers did this?
    • Brandt: Well Dude, we just don't know.
    • The Stranger: Take it easy, Dude.
    • The Dude: Oh, yeah!
    • The Stranger: I know that you will.
    • The Dude: Yeah, well - the Dude abides.
    • [Exits with beers in hand]
    • [to the camera]
    • The Stranger: The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners.
    • The Stranger: It was a pretty good story. Don't you think? It made me laugh to beat the band. Parts, anyway. I didn't like seein' Donny go. But, then I happen to know that there's a little Lebowski on the way. I guess that's the way the whole durned human comedy keeps perpetuatin' itself down through the generations. Westward the wagons, across the sands of time until we - ah, look at me. I'm ramblin' again.
    • The Dude: Did you ever hear of "The Seattle Seven"?
    • Maude Lebowski: Mmm.
    • The Dude: That was me... and six other guys.
    • Walter Sobchak: I told that Kraut a fuckin' thousand times, I don't roll on shabbos!
    • The Dude: This is a very complicated case, Maude. You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, a lotta what-have-yous. And, uh, a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder's head.
    • Jackie Treehorn: Interactive erotic software. The wave of the future, Dude. One hundred percent electronic!
    • The Dude: Yeah well, I still jerk off manually.
    • Maude Lebowski: Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?
    • The Dude: 'Scuse me?
    • Maude Lebowski: Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?
    • The Dude: I was talking about my rug.
    • Maude Lebowski: You're not interested in sex?
    • The Dude: You mean coitus?
    • [after recovering his car from the Auto circus]
    • The Dude: Oh, Jesus, what's that smell, man?
    • Auto Circus Cop: Yes, probably a vagrant slept in the car. Or maybe just used it as a toilet and moved on.
    • The Stranger: Darkness warshed over the Dude - darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.
    • [after reporting the stolen car]
    • The Dude: Do you find them much, these, stolen cars?
    • Younger Cop: Sometimes. Wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though.
    • Older Cop: Or the Creedence.
    • The Dude: Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not "Mr. Lebowski". You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
    • Nihilist: We believe in nothing, Lebowski. Nothing. And tomorrow we come back and we cut off your chonson.
    • The Dude: Excuse me?
    • Nihilist: I said
    • [shouting]
    • Nihilist: I zaid VE CUT OFF YA JOHNSON!
    • Nihilist #2: Just think about that, Lebowski.
    • Nihilist: Yeah, your wiggly penis, Lebowski.
    • Nihilist #3: Yeah and maybe we stomp on it and squoosh it, Lebowski.
    • [on the phone]
    • The Dude: Of course the car made it home, you're calling me at home. No, Walter, it did NOT look like Larry was about to crack!
    • [being shown a picture Bunny's old farm home]
    • The Dude: Oh boy. How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus.
    • Walter Sobchak: Whereas what we have here? A bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse in a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy adversary.
    • Younger Cop: And was there anything of value in the car?
    • The Dude: Oh, uh, yeah, uh... a tape deck, some Creedence tapes, and there was a, uh... uh, my briefcase.
    • [expectant pause]
    • Younger Cop: In the briefcase?
    • The Dude: Uh, uh, papers, um, just papers, uh, you know, uh, my papers, business papers.
    • Younger Cop: And what do you do, sir?
    • The Dude: I'm unemployed.
    • Donny: They posted the next round for the tournament.
    • Walter Sobchak: Donny, shut the f- when do we play?
    • The Big Lebowski: Are you employed, sir?
    • The Dude: Employed?
    • The Big Lebowski: You don't go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?
    • The Dude: Is this a... what day is this?
    • The Big Lebowski: Well, I do work sir, so if you don't mind...
    • The Dude: I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man.
    • [the Nihilists invade the Dude's bathroom accompanied by a trained ferret]
    • The Dude: Hey, nice marmot!
    • Bunny Lebowski: Blow on them.
    • The Dude: You want me to blow on your toes?
    • Bunny Lebowski: I can't blow that far.
    • [looks at man lazing in the pool]
    • The Dude: Are you sure he won't mind?
    • Bunny Lebowski: Uli doesn't care about anything. He's a Nihilist.
    • The Dude: Ah, that must be exhausting.
    • Bunny Lebowski: You're not blowing...
    • The Dude: This is the fuckin' guy! I can find this fuckin' Lebowski guy!
    • Donny: His name's Lebowski? That's your name, Dude!
    • Maude Lebowski: Uli Kunkol? Her co-star in the beaver picture?
    • The Dude: Beaver? Uhhhh, you mean vagina...? I mean, you know the guy?
    • Maude Lebowski: Oh, I might have introduced them for all I know.
    • [looks at Knox]
    • Maude Lebowski: You remember Uli?
    • Knox Harrington: Mmmmm.
    • Walter Sobchak: Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and... up to... Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.
    • The Dude: At least I'm housebroken.
    • [first lines]
    • [voiceover]
    • The Stranger: Way out west there was this fella... fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Mr. Lebowski, he called himself "The Dude". Now, "Dude" - that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so darned interestin'. They call Los Angeles the "City Of Angels." I didn't find it to be that, exactly. But I'll allow there are some nice folks there. 'Course I can't say I've seen London, and I ain't never been to France. And I ain't never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says. But I'll tell you what - after seeing Los Angeles, and this here story I'm about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin' as you'd see in any of them other places. And in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. Now this here story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early '90s - just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the I-raqis. I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? But sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about the Dude here. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. And even if he's a lazy man - and the Dude was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide. But sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Aw. I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced him enough.
    • The Dude: I'm sorry your stepmother is a nympho.
    • The Dude: Walter, I love you, but sooner or later, you're going to have to face the fact you're a goddamn moron.
    • The Big Lebowski: Start talking and talk fast you lousy bum.
    • Brandt: We've been frantically trying to reach you, Dude.
    • The Big Lebowski: Where is my goddamn money you bum?
    • The Dude: I could be just sitting at home with pee stains on my rug.
    • [at the funeral parlor]
    • Walter Sobchak: GOD DAMN IT! Look, just because we're bereaved, that doesn't make us saps!
    • The Dude: Look, nothing is fucked, here, man.
    • The Big Lebowski: Nothing is fucked?
    • [shouting]
    • The Big Lebowski: The god damn plane has crashed into the mountain!
    • Jackie Treehorn: People forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone.
    • The Dude: On you maybe.
    • The Big Lebowski: Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski. Condolences. The bums lost. My advice is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir. The bums will always lose. Do you hear me, Lebowski?
    • [the Dude walks out and shuts the door]
    • The Big Lebowski: The bums will always lose!
    • Brandt: How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski?
    • The Dude: Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house.
    • The Dude: H-hey, this is a private residence, man!
    • Maude Lebowski: Now, what happened to your face? Did Jackie Treehorn do that as well?
    • The Dude: Ah, no that was the chief of police of Malibu. A real reactionary.
    • Da Fino: Let me tell ya something - I dig your work. Playing one side against the other, in bed with everybody - just fabulous stuff.
    • [the Dude has been drugged and is semi-conscious]
    • The Dude: So if you could just write me my check for ten percent of a half a million... five grand... I'll go out and mingle.
    • Walter Sobchak: You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism once. Not in 'Nam of course.
    • The Dude: Then you know he's got emotional problems, man.
    • Walter Sobchak: You mean... beyond pacifism?
    • The Big Lebowski: I just want to understand this, sir. Every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the owner?
    • The Stranger: Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes, well, he eats you.
    • [the Dude is leaving after his first meeting with Lebowski]
    • Brandt: Well, enjoy. And perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude.
    • The Dude: Yeah, sure, if I'm... in the neighborhood and I, uh... gotta use the john.
    • The Dude: By the way, do you think that you could give me that $20,000 in cash? My concern is, and I have to, uh, check with my accountant, that this might bump me into a higher, uh, tax...
    • The Big Lebowski: Brandt, give him the envelope.
    • The Dude: Oh, you've already got the check made out, that's great.
    • [last lines]
    • The Stranger: Say, friend - you got any more of that good sarsaparilla?
    • Brandt: You never went to college...
    • The Dude: Oh, no I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various administration buildings... smoking a lot of thai stick... breaking into the ROTC... and bowling. To tell you the truth Brandt, I don't remember most of it.
    • The Dude: We dropped off the damn money...
    • The Big Lebowski: We?
    • The Dude: I! The Royal "we"! You know, the editorial...
    • [looking at his hero writer Digby Sellers in an iron lung]
    • Walter Sobchak: Does he still write?
    • Pilar, Sellers' Housekeeper: Oh no no, he has health problems.
    • Maude Lebowski: The story is ludicrous.
    • The Big Lebowski: Did I urinate on your rug?
    • The Dude: You mean, did you personally come and pee on my rug?
    • The Big Lebowski: Do you speak English sir? Parla usted Inglese?
    • Donny: I'm throwing rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude.
    • [the Dude asks the Auto Circus Cop if there are any leads on who stole his beater car]
    • Auto Circus Cop: Leads, yeah, sure. I'll just check with the boys down at the crime lab, they've got four more detectives working on the case. They got us working in shifts!
    • [laughs]
    • Auto Circus Cop: Leads!
    • [laughs as he walks away]
    • Auto Circus Cop: Leads...
    • Knox Harrington: So you're Lebowski. Maudie's told me all about you. She'll be back in a moment, sit down. Would you like a drink?
    • [as he sits down]
    • The Dude: Uh, yeah. White Russian?
    • Knox Harrington: The bar's over there.
    • The Big Lebowski: What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?
    • The Dude: Dude.
    • The Big Lebowski: Huh?
    • The Dude: Uhh... I don't know sir.
    • The Big Lebowski: Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man?
    • The Dude: Hmmm... Sure, that and a pair of testicles.
    • The Big Lebowski: Are you surprised at my tears, sir?
    • [Smoking a joint]
    • The Dude: Dude, fuckin' A!
    • The Big Lebowski: Strong men also cry... strong men also cry.
    • The Dude: What do you do?
    • Knox Harrington: Oh, nothin' much.
    • [giggles]
    • Walter Sobchak: Fifteen, Dude. This is it. Let's take that hill!
    • Maude Lebowski: My father and I don't get along, he doesn't approve of my lifestyle and, needless to say, I don't approve of his. Still, I hardly wish to make my father's embezzlement a police matter, so I'm proposing that you try to recover the money from the people you delivered it to.
    • The Dude: Well, I could do that...
    • Maude Lebowski: If you successfully do so, I will compensate you to the tune of 10 percent of the recovered sum.
    • [stunned]
    • The Dude: A hundred...
    • Maude Lebowski: Thousand, yes bones or clams or whatever you call them.
    • The Stranger: I like your style, Dude.
    • The Dude: Well, I dig your style too, man. Got the whole cowboy thing goin'.
    • The Stranger: Thankee.
    • Walter Sobchak: Call the medics, Dude. I'd go myself but I'm pumping blood. Might pass out. Rest easy, good buddy, you're doing fine. We got help choppering in.
    • [after biting the German's ear off]
    • Walter Sobchak: Anti-semite!
    • [repeated line]
    • Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
    • Walter Sobchak: Lady, I got buddies who died face down in the muck so that you and I could enjoy this family restaurant!
    • [singing while semi-conscious in the back of a police car]
    • The Dude: He was innocent, not a charge was true, and they say he ran away... Branded!
    • [repeated line]
    • The Dude: They're gonna kill that poor woman.
    • Walter Sobchak: That rug really tied the room together, did it not?
    • The Dude: Fuckin' A.
    • Donny: And this guy peed on it.
    • Walter Sobchak: Donny, please.
    • The Dude: I hate the fuckin' Eagles man.
    • Woo, Treehorn Thug: Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski.
    • [urinates on The Dude's rug]
    • The Dude: Oh, man, don't do that. Not on the rug, man.
    • Woo, Treehorn Thug: You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski?
    • The Big Lebowski: I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs. Some Chinaman took them from me in Korea.
    • Maude Lebowski: Jeffrey.
    • The Dude: ...Maude?
    • Maude Lebowski: Love me.
    • The Dude: That's my robe.
    • The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.
    • [Throwing the Big Lebowski out of his wheelchair]
    • Walter Sobchak: Achtung baby!
    • [Five minutes after pulling a gun on Smokey]
    • Walter Sobchak: It's all water under the bridge.
    • [Punching a nihilist]
    • Walter Sobchak: Anti-semite!
    • Maude Lebowski: It's a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise. But unfortunately there are some people - it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women - who engage in it compulsively and without joy. Yes, Mr. Lebowski, these unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the word. Our mutual acquaintance Bunny is one of these.
    • The Dude: Listen, Maude, I'm sorry if your stepmother is a nympho, but I don't see what it has to do with - do you have any Kahlúa?
    • The Dude: He's fragile!
    • Walter Sobchak: Well, I did not know that.
    • Singer: I just dropped in to see what condition my Condition was in.
    • The Dude: I was one of the original authors of the Port Huron Declaration. Not the compromised second draft...
    • [author Arthur Sellars is lying quietly in his iron lung]
    • Walter Sobchak: And a good day to you, sir!
    • [asked to be quiet at the coffee house]
    • Walter Sobchak: Excuse me, dear? The Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint!
    • The Dude: This isn't a First Amendment issue, man.
    • Walter Sobchak: I'm more Jewish than Tevye!
    • Walter Sobchak: You're being very undude.
    • The Big Lebowski: I will not abide another toe.
    • Walter Sobchak: As if we would DREAM of taking your money!
    • The Dude: This is a very complicated case, Maude. A lot of ins, a lot of outs. Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict drug regimen to keep my mind limber.
    • The Dude: Oh no, really, it's, ahh, not even... not even bruised anymore.
    • The Dude: He just wanted the car. All the Dude ever wanted was his rug back. That really tied the room together.
    • Walter Sobchak: If you will it, it is no dream.
    • Walter Sobchak: Yeah, the beauty of this is its simplicity. If it gets complex, everything can go wrong.
    • Francis Donnelly, Funeral Director: This is a mortuary. Not a rental house.
    • The Stranger: How have things been going?
    • The Dude: Well, you know, strikes and gutters, ups and downs.
    • [Last line]
    • The Stranger: Say, friend, you got any more of that good Sarsaparilla?
    • The Dude: The Dude abides.
    • Private Investigator: It's a photo of the Family Farm, it's supposed to make her homesick.
    • Maude Lebowski: Let me tell you something. The whole thing stinks to high heaven.
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