Shaun of the Dead Movie Poster

Quotes from Shaun of the Dead

Showing all 87 items
    • [repeated line]
    • Ed: I've got nothing.
    • Dianne: SHAUN!
    • [Dianne throws a dart and misses]
    • Shaun: NO!
    • [Dianne throws another dart and hits the zombie]
    • Shaun: YES, yes, in the head!
    • [Dianne throws a third dart and hits Shaun in the head on accident]
    • Shaun: AHHHHHHHHH!
    • [Shaun leads the zombies away from the pub to create a diversion]
    • Shaun: Come and get it! It's a running buffet!
    • [shouts]
    • Shaun: All you can eat!
    • [Philip is crouched beside the car, after being bitten by a zombie]
    • Philip: You're not driving that car.
    • Ed: Any zombies out there?
    • [looking out of the letter-box, he sees an empty street]
    • Shaun: I can't see any. Maybe it's not as bad as all that.
    • [he turns his head and sees a pack of zombies]
    • Shaun: Oh, no, there they are.
    • Shaun: Don't say that!
    • Ed: What?
    • Shaun: That!
    • Ed: What?
    • Shaun: The zed-word. Don't say it!
    • Ed: Why not?
    • Shaun: Because it's ridiculous!
    • Ed: All right... are there any out there, though?
    • [sees a zombified Pete]
    • Ed: Hey, Shaun, look who it is!
    • Shaun: Fuck-a-doodle-do!
    • [about Ed]
    • Shaun: He's not my boyfriend!
    • [handing beer to Shaun]
    • Ed: It might be a bit warm, the cooler's off.
    • Shaun: Thanks, babe.
    • [winks]
    • David: I'm not staying here.
    • Liz: David, don't, that's suicide.
    • Ed: I think you should go.
    • Ed: What's up, niggas?
    • [looking through Shaun's LPs for suitable records to throw at two approaching zombies]
    • Ed: Ooh, 'Stone Roses'.
    • Shaun: Um, No.
    • Ed: 'Second Coming'.
    • Shaun: I like it!
    • Ed: Ahhh! 'Sade'.
    • Shaun: Yeah, but that's Liz's!
    • Ed: Yeah, but she did dump you.
    • Shaun: Oh!
    • Ed: 'Purple Rain'?
    • Shaun: No.
    • Ed: 'Sign o' the Times'?
    • Shaun: Definitely not.
    • Ed: The 'Batman' soundtrack?
    • Shaun: Throw it.
    • Ed: 'Dire Straits'?
    • Shaun: Throw it.
    • [repeated line]
    • Shaun: He's not my Dad, he's my stepdad!
    • [over the phone]
    • Barbara: Some men tried to get into the house.
    • [concerned]
    • Shaun: Mum, have you been bitten?
    • [over the phone]
    • Barbara: No... But Philip has.
    • [calmly]
    • Shaun: Oh, OK.
    • Ed: Has she been bitten?
    • [to Ed]
    • Shaun: No, Philip has.
    • [calmly]
    • Ed: Oh, OK.
    • Shaun: Listen, Mum, what sort of state is he in?
    • [over the phone]
    • Barbara: Oh, he's fine. Bit under the weather.
    • Shaun: I see.
    • Ed: What's the deal?
    • Shaun: Well are they still there?
    • [to Ed]
    • Shaun: We may have to kill my step-dad.
    • [over the phone]
    • Barbara: I'm not sure, we've shut the curtains.
    • Shaun: Did you try the police?
    • [over the phone]
    • Barbara: Well I thought about it.
    • Shaun: Are you OK? Did they hurt you?
    • [over the phone]
    • Barbara: No I'm fine. I'm fine.
    • Shaun: Mum...
    • [over the phone]
    • Barbara: Well they were a bit... bitey.
    • Ed: We're coming to get you, Barbara!
    • Ed: Don't forget to kill Philip!
    • Shaun: Ohh, for God's sake! He's got an arm off!
    • Ed: What's the plan then?
    • Shaun: Because I love her!
    • Ed: All right... gayyy... I'm not staying there, though.
    • Shaun: Why not?
    • Ed: If we hole up, I wanna be somewhere familiar, I wanna know where the exits are, and I wanna be allowed to smoke.
    • Shaun: Okay.
    • [cuts to dream sequence again]
    • Shaun: We take Pete's car, go round Mum's, go in, deal with Philip - "Sorry, Philip!" - grab Mum, go to Liz's, pick her up, bring her back here, have a cup of tea and wait for this whole thing to blow over.
    • Ed: Perfect!
    • Shaun: No, no, no, no, no, wait, we can't bring her back here.
    • Ed: Why not?
    • Shaun: Right.
    • Shaun: Well, it's not really safe, is it?
    • Ed: Yeah, look at the state of it.
    • Shaun: Where's safe? Where's familiar?
    • Ed: Where can I smoke?
    • [Shaun and Ed pause then slowly make a realisation]
    • [cuts to dream sequence a third time]
    • Shaun: Take car. Go to Mum's. Kill Phil - "Sorry." - grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold?
    • Ed: Yeah, boyyyeee!
    • [Shaun and Ed clang their weapons together]
    • [cuts to dream sequence]
    • Shaun: We take Pete's car, we drive over to Mum's, we go in, take care of Philip - "I'm so sorry, Philip" - then we grab Mum, we go over to Liz's place, hole up, have a cup of tea and wait for this whole thing to blow over.
    • Ed: Why have we got to go to Liz's?
    • Shaun: Because we do.
    • Ed: But she dumped you!
    • Shaun: I have to know if she's all right!
    • Ed: Why?
    • [in "I Married A Zombie" sketch]
    • Trisha Goddard: You go to bed with it?
    • [repeated line]
    • Shaun: Ed, this is serious!
    • Shaun: Do you want anything from the shop?
    • Ed: Cornetto.
    • [Shaun hands Liz a bunch of flowers]
    • Shaun: Got you these.
    • [Liz reads the label]
    • Liz: "To a wonderful mum"?
    • [sniggers]
    • Shaun: Oooh! Yeah, that's, because... I thought, it would be, funny, because of what you said last night about me y'know, don't wanna be my mum and that. It's just a little joke, just sort of spur of the moment...
    • [long pause]
    • Liz: They're for your mum, aren't they?
    • Shaun: Yeah.
    • Liz: Smooth.
    • Dianne: I don't think he'd leave us, Davs.
    • David: Wouldn't he? Lizzy, how can you put your faith in a man you spectacularly binned for being unreliable? A man whose idea of a romantic nightspot and an impenetrable fortress are the same thing? It's... This is a pub! We are in a pub! What are we going to do now?
    • Ed: We could get a round in.
    • [about Ed]
    • Shaun: I've known him since primary school, you know? I like having him around, he's a laugh.
    • Pete: What, because he can impersonate an orangutan? Fuck-a-doodle-doo!
    • Shaun: Oh, leave him alone.
    • Pete: All right, I admit, he can pretty funny on occasion. Like that time we stayed up all night drinking apple Schnappes and playing Tekken 2.
    • Shaun: Oh yeah.
    • [laughing]
    • Shaun: When was that?
    • [laughing]
    • Pete: That was five years ago. When's he going home?
    • [about Ed]
    • Shaun: Oh, he sells a bit of weed every now and again, you know. You've sold puff.
    • Pete: Yeah. Once. At college. To you.
    • [after the gun fires in the pub, proving Ed correct]
    • Shaun: Okay. But dogs CAN look up!
    • Shaun: They still out there?
    • [Ed checks, revealing two zombies scratching at the window]
    • Ed: Yeah. What you think we should do?
    • Shaun: Have a sit down?
    • [on leaving the front door open]
    • Pete: Now, I'm not saying it was you.
    • Shaun: I know, man...
    • Pete: I'm saying it was Ed.
    • Shaun: Right.
    • [Shaun tries to get out of Philip's Jaguar]
    • Shaun: Philip, have you still got the child-locks on?
    • Philip: Safety first, Shaun.
    • [describing the zombies]
    • Dianne: Just look at the face: it's vacant, with a hint of sadness. Like a drunk who's lost a bet.
    • [a jukebox begins playing Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now" while the zombie pub owner attacks the group]
    • Shaun: Who the hell put this on?
    • Ed: It's on random.
    • Liz: For fuck's sake!
    • David: You still haven't met his mum?
    • Shaun: Ed!
    • Shaun: Not yet!
    • Dianne: Don't you get on with your mum, Shaun?
    • Shaun: It's not that I don't get on with her...
    • David: Are you ashamed by your mum, Shaun?
    • Shaun: No! I love my mum!
    • Ed: I love his mum too.
    • Shaun: Ed!
    • [singing]
    • Ed: She's like butter!
    • [Shaun is surprised to see that Liz has a pack of cigarettes]
    • Liz: You left them in my flat.
    • Shaun: Yeah, in the bin!
    • Liz: I was desperate.
    • Shaun: Sneaky monkey...
    • [Ed pulls the car over after doing a couple of 360s]
    • Ed: Whoa, mama!
    • Shaun: Christ! What the hell do you think you're doing?
    • Ed: Chill out. Everyone's all right.
    • Shaun: Stop telling me to chill out!
    • Jeremy Thompson - Newsreader: To recap, it is *vital* that you stay in your homes. Make no attempt to reach loved ones, and avoid all physical contact with the assailants.
    • Ed: Do you believe everything you hear on TV?
    • Shaun: Look, I don't care what the telly says, all right? We *have* to get out of here. If we don't they'll tear us to pieces, and that is really going to exacerbate things for all of us.
    • [Shaun has just fought a zombie unassisted]
    • [sarcastically]
    • Shaun: Feel free to step in any time!
    • Ed: You did all right.
    • David: I didn't want to cramp your style.
    • Shaun: David, kill the Queen!
    • David: What?
    • Shaun: The jukebox!
    • [Shaun is channel hopping]
    • [Channel Five News]
    • News Reporter: ...people, who are literally being...
    • [Nature documentary, leopards eating a gazelle]
    • Documentary Narrator: ...eaten alive.
    • [Sky News]
    • Jeremy Thompson: Witness reports at best are sketchy. One unifying detail seems to be that the attackers in many instances appear to be...
    • [T4]
    • Vernon Kay: ...dead excited to have with us here a sensational chart topping...
    • [Channel 4 News]
    • Krishnan Guru-Murthy: Though no one official is prepared to comment, religious groups are calling it Judgement Day. There's...
    • [VH1, playing "Panic" by The Smiths]
    • Morrissey: ...Panic on the streets of London...
    • [ITV News]
    • News Reporter: ...as an increasing number of reports of...
    • [Football]
    • Football Commentator 2: ...serious attacks on...
    • Ed: Big Al says so.
    • Shaun: Yeah, but Big Al says dogs can't look up!
    • Barbara: It's been a funny sort of day, hasn't it?
    • [repeated line]
    • Various: You've got red on you.
    • [Shaun and Ed back up to the body of a man they've just hit and Shaun rolls down his window]
    • Shaun: Are you all right?
    • Ed: Come on, let's just go.
    • Shaun: Hello?
    • Ed: He's going to be dead either way.
    • Shaun: Ed, that's not the point!
    • [the body rises and moans, zombified, at Shaun and Ed]
    • Shaun: Oh, thank God for that.
    • Ed: You gonna thank me then?
    • Shaun: For what?
    • Ed: Tidying up!
    • Shaun: Doesn't look that tidy.
    • Ed: Well, I had a few beers when I finished.
    • David: What are we going to eat?
    • Dianne: Toasties!
    • Ed: There's a Breville out back.
    • David: Great. Saved by nibbles.
    • [after Shaun gets shouted at by Liz]
    • David: Basically, I'd say your nine lives are up, Shaun
    • Shaun: Get fucked, four eyes! Why don't you go out with her if you love her so much?
    • David: What do you mean by that?
    • [storms off]
    • David: Well, I don't know what he meant by that.
    • [uncomfortable silence]
    • Shaun: As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. And there's an "I" in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he's talking about.
    • Shaun: If you get cornered...
    • [hits himself on head with cricket bat]
    • Shaun: ...bash 'em in the head, that seems to work. Ow.
    • Barbara: My, how you've grown!
    • Ed: Yeah, you'd better believe it.
    • Liz: Well... is it clear?
    • Shaun: No.
    • Liz: How many?
    • Shaun: Lots.
    • [pan up to show a horde of zombies behind the fence]
    • [after Philip has been bitten]
    • Philip: You didn't call the doctor, did you?
    • Barbara: Well, I thought we ought to be on the safe side.
    • Philip: I'm quite all right, Barbara, I ran it under a cold tap.
    • Barbara: I really think...
    • Philip: We had our jabs when we went to the Isle of Wight.
    • Barbara: But Philip...
    • Philip: It's a lot of overblown nonsense, a lot of drug nuts running wild.
    • Ed: Do you want your messages?
    • Shaun: What?
    • Ed: Well, your mum rang about you going around tomorrow night, and then Liz rang about the two of you eating out tonight, and then your mum rang back to see if I wanted to eat her out tonight.
    • Shaun: *What*?
    • [Repeated exchange]
    • Yvonne: Shaun! How are you doing?
    • Shaun: Surviving.
    • [first lines]
    • John: Last orders, please!
    • [last lines]
    • Videogame Voice: Player two has entered the game.
    • [Ed, now a zombie, tries to bite Shaun]
    • Shaun: Ed!
    • [groans]
    • [Shaun sits down next to Ed, who's playing a videogame, and presses a button on the controller]
    • Videogame Voice: Player 2 has entered the game.
    • Ed: Don't you have work?
    • [Shaun presses a button again and gets up]
    • Videogame Voice: Player 2 has left the game.
    • Rabid Monkeys Newsreader: Claims that the virus was caused by rage-infected monkeys have now been dismissed as bull...
    • [turns off the TV]
    • Shaun: Would anyone like... a peanut?
    • Dianne: Daffs is always taking me to see these listed buildings, and I'm always dragging him to the theatre.
    • Shaun: All right, I've got a car outside, but it's going to be a bit cramped, so has anyone got transport?
    • Dianne: Yes, yes!
    • Shaun: Great, where?
    • Dianne: Oh? No, well I passed my test.
    • [repeated line]
    • Yvonne: Oh, my God! Shaun!
    • Ed: I'm sorry, Shaun.
    • Shaun: It's OK.
    • Ed: No, I'm *sorry*, Shaun.
    • Shaun: What?
    • [smells Ed's fart]
    • Shaun: Oh, God, that's rotten!
    • Ed: I'll stop doing it when you stop laughing!
    • Shaun: I am not laughing!
    • [repeated line]
    • Ed: Two seconds!
    • [looking behind Ed's shoulder at the old woman in the pub]
    • Shaun: All right, what about her, then?
    • [looking back at her, then to Shaun]
    • Ed: Ooooooh... cockacidal maniac. Ex-porn star. She's done it all. They say she starred in the world's first interracial hardcore loop...
    • [moves his hands to indicate sex]
    • Ed: Café au lait...
    • [points at Shaun]
    • Ed: ... pour vous!
    • [to a girl in the garden]
    • Shaun: Excuse me?
    • [no response]
    • Shaun: Excuse me?
    • [no response]
    • Shaun: Hellew?
    • [no response]
    • [picks up a pebble and throws it off her back]
    • Ed: Oi!
    • [girl turns round, a zombie]
    • Shaun: Oh, my God! She's so drunk!
    • Shaun: No, Noel, no matter you might think, okay, I do not find it difficult to keep my work and my social life separate.
    • Worker: Shaun, it's Liz for you.
    • [hands him the phone]
    • [Shaun and Ed are getting psyched-up to go to Shaun's mum's to kill Philip]
    • Shaun: I gotta do a wee first.
    • Liz: Goodbye, Ed. Love you.
    • Ed: Cheers!
    • Shaun: I love you too, man.
    • Ed: Gaaayy!
    • Ed: See? You don't need Liz to have a good time.
    • Shaun: Oh, don't, man.
    • Ed: No! Go ahead, look at me. Can I just say one more thing? I'm not gonna say, you know, there's plenty more fish in the sea. I'm not going to say if you love her, let her go. And I'm not going to bombard you with clichés. But what I will say is this?
    • [chuckling]
    • Ed: It's not the end of the world.
    • Shaun: As Bertrand Russell once said, "The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation." I think we can all appreciate the relevance of that now.
    • Liz: Was that on a beer mat?
    • Shaun: Yeah, it was Guinness Extra Cold.
    • Liz: I won't say anything.
    • Shaun: Thanks.
    • [showing customers in the shop a TV set, sounding bored out of his mind, almost a zombie, in a droning voice]
    • Shaun: This one comes with a basic sort of digital package, uh, you got your Lifestyle Channels there, a bit of "Trisha," um, you got "Entertainment" - don't know what that is. News. All the basic, uh, news channels.
    • Ed: There's a girl in the garden.
    • Shaun: What?
    • Ed: In the garden, there is a girl.
    • Shaun: Well maybe one should do the other, and then do themselves.
    • Liz: Oh maybe you should do me, I'll only muck it up if I have to do myself.
    • [Shaun mimes shooting Liz and then himself, to see how it feels]
    • Shaun: You know, I don't think I've got it in me to shoot my flatmate, my mum, and my girlfriend all in the same night.
    • [pauses]
    • Liz: What makes you think I'd have taken you back?
    • Shaun: Well... You don't want to die single do you?
    • [interrupting]
    • Ed: That's it. I would like to be shot.
    • Shaun: Besides, I've changed. I haven't had a fag since yesterday, I promise!
    • Ed: He hasn't!
    • [David discovers that the zombies have somehow made it into the bar. Shaun, Ed and Liz are still beating the barman]
    • Shaun: Why is Queen still playing?
    • David: Ah, we have a situation here.
    • Shaun: I KNOW!
    • David: For a hero, you're quite a hypocrite!
    • [Shaun nervously addresses the rest of the electronics store staff]
    • Shaun: Now, as well as, er, Mr. Sloane being off today, I'm afraid Ash is, er, feeling a little bit, erm, under the weather. So I will be taking charge as the, erm...
    • Noel: ...oldest...
    • Shaun: ...senior staff member.
    • [David points a gun at Shaun's mother Barbara]
    • Shaun: Don't point that gun at my mum!
    • Ed: Don't point that gun at Barbara!
    • [Ed is driving Philip's Jaguar very fast, dodging other cars as he tries to escape the zombies]
    • [pompously]
    • Philip: You *do* realise this is a 20 mph zone?
    • [grinning]
    • Ed: Oh yeah!
    • Barbara: Hello Pickle! It's me, mum. Dad said he saw you in town today and mentioned that you might be visiting tomorrow, which would be lovely. Will you be bringing Elizabeth with you this time? Only we can't wait to meet her finally and also um... I was wondering if she wanted anything special for lunch. Cause these days a lot of people don't eat meat.
    • [Directing Shaun on where to shoot]
    • Ed: There!
    • Shaun: Where?
    • Ed: Three o'clock!
    • Dianne: Oh! Over there again. Quarter to twelve.
    • Shaun: What?
    • David: Eleven forty-five!
    • Shaun: Keep it simple!
    • Ed: Top left!
    • [Points a gun at Shaun's mother Barbara]
    • Shaun: Don't point that gun at my mum!
    • Ed: Don't point that gun at Barbara!
    • [the jukebox starts playing a love song after Liz has broken up with Shaun]
    • Ed: Who the hell put this on?
    • [tearfully]
    • Shaun: It's on random.
    • Philip: You got red on you.
    • Shaun: You've been to a lock-in.
    • Liz: Several.
    • Shaun: Well, I mean, it's not that I don't like David and Di, you know.
    • [to David and Diane]
    • Shaun: Guys, it's not that I don't like you.
    • [shrugs]
    • Dianne: It's all right.
    • [turns to Liz]
    • Shaun: And I do want to spend time with you.
    • [pause]
    • Shaun: It's just Ed doesn't have too many friends...
    • [to Shaun as he's holding his neck after being bitten]
    • Philip: You are not driving that car...
    • Shaun: PHILIP! Give me the car keys...
    • Liz: You should do me. I'll muck it up if I have to do myself.
    • [breaking down]
    • Shaun: I don't think I've got it in me to shoot my flatmate, my mum and my girlfriend all in the same evening!
    • [after boy kicks a ball at him]
    • Shaun: Hey! You're dead!
    • [as each survivor passes by their parallel counterpart]
    • DeclanLiz: Hi.
    • [formally]
    • DavidMark: Hello.
    • [friendly]
    • DianneMaggie: Hi!
    • [politely]
    • BarbaraYvonne's Mum: Hello.
    • [too involved with their cell phones, briefly glancing at each other, muttering]
    • Cousin TomEd: Hello.
Movie details provided by