Major League Movie Poster

Quotes from Major League

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    • [the Indians are on a plane during a thunderstorm]
    • Willie Mays Hayes: Call the stewardess, Vaughn. I need one of those bags.
    • Rick Vaughn: There aren't any stewardesses.
    • Willie Mays Hayes: I wonder if they are any pilots.
    • [to Ricky, while he's listening to "Wild Thing" on the jukebox]
    • Lady: Wild thing, you make my heart sing.
    • [after Rick has walked a bunch of batters]
    • Indians Fan: Wild Thing. You make my heart sing. You walk everything.
    • Heywood: How's your wife and my kids?
    • Harry Doyle: In case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't, the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar.
    • Jake Taylor: I play for the Indians.
    • Chaire Holloway: Here in Cleveland? I didn't know they still had a team!
    • Jake Taylor: Yup, we've got uniforms and everything, it's really great!
    • [sliding into home plate in a tux]
    • Willie Mays Hayes: The American Express Card. Don't steal home without it.
    • [Dressed in tuxedos, every team member, except Willie, stands behind Home Plate and looks at us]
    • [Roger snaps his fingers]
    • Lou Brown: We're contenders now.
    • [Also dressed in a tuxedo, Willie slides into home plate and holds up a green credit card]
    • Willie Mays Hayes: The American Express card: Don't steal home without it.
    • Everybody: Hello. Do you know us?
    • [Everybody, except Rick, puts on their caps]
    • Everybody: We're a Major League Baseball team.
    • Jake Taylor: But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.
    • Eddie Harris: That's why we carry the American Express card.
    • Rick Vaughn: No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places.
    • [pointing to us]
    • Pedro Cerrano: So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.
    • Roger Dorn: Look what it's done for US. People still DON'T recognize us but...
    • Rachel Phelps: I think he'll fit right in with our team concept.
    • Charlie Donovan: That reminds me, I was going to ask you. What exactly *is* our team concept?
    • Charlie Donovan: Vaughn's been looking good out there today.
    • Rachel Phelps: Don't worry, he'll blow it.
    • Board Member 1: I've never heard of half of these guys and the ones I do know are way past their prime.
    • Charlie Donovan: Most of these guys never had a prime.
    • Rachel Phelps: The fact is we lost our two best players to free agency. We haven't won a pennant in over thirty-five years, we haven't placed higher than fourth in the last fifteen. Obviously it's time for some changes.
    • Board Member 2: This guy here is dead!
    • Rachel Phelps: Cross him off, then!
    • Harry Doyle: One hit,that's all we got, one goddamn hit?
    • Assistant: You can't say goddamn on the air.
    • Harry Doyle: Don't worry, nobody is listening anyway.
    • Harry Doyle: Just a reminder, fans, comin' up is our "Die-hard Night" here at the stadium. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won a pennant.
    • Harry Doyle: The post-game show is brought to you by...
    • [searches through his papers]
    • Harry Doyle: Christ, I can't find it. To hell with it.
    • [the Indians General Manager calls minor league coach Lou Brown at Tire World to offer him a position with the Indians]
    • Charlie Donovan: How would you like to manage the Indians this year?
    • Lou Brown: Gee, I don't know...
    • Charlie Donovan: What do you mean, you don't know? This is your chance to manage in the big leagues.
    • Lou Brown: Let me get back to you, will ya, Charlie? I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls.
    • [Rookie pitcher Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn is about to throw the final pitch for the Indians in the playoff game]
    • Lou Brown: Forget about the curve ball Ricky, give him the heater.
    • Harry Doyle: Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor.
    • Eddie Harris: Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill.
    • Harry Doyle: This guy threw at his own son in a father son game.
    • Willie Mays Hayes: Don't you guys go anywhere. I plan to put on a hitting display.
    • Pedro Cerrano: Hats for bats, keep bats warm.
    • [Willie Mays Hayes has just made a 'basket catch' to end the inning]
    • Lou Brown: Nice catch, Hayes. Don't ever fuckin' do it again.
    • [Introducing himself]
    • Willie Mays Hayes: Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes.
    • Lou Brown: I thought you said we didn't have any high priced talent.
    • Charlie Donovan: Forget about Dorn, he's just high priced.
    • [Vaughn pulls up on a motorcycle]
    • Pepper Leach: Look at this fuckin'guy.
    • Lou Brown: My kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team.
    • [Vaughn has just given up a grand slam after walking three straight batters]
    • Pepper Leach: You want me to go get him?
    • Lou Brown: No, keep him in. Let's see how he reacts.
    • [Vaughn hits the next batter]
    • Lou Brown: Interesting.
    • Janice Bowden: I hear baseball players make awfully good salaries nowadays.
    • Jake Taylor: Well it all depends on how good you are.
    • Janice Bowden: How good are you?
    • Jake Taylor: I make the league minimum.
    • Willie Mays Hayes: What the hell league you been playing in?
    • Rick Vaughn: California Penal...
    • Willie Mays Hayes: Never heard of it. How'd you end up playing there?
    • Rick Vaughn: Stole a car.
    • [before the playoff game]
    • Harry Doyle: Monty, anything to add?
    • Colorman: Ummm... no.
    • Harry Doyle: He's not the best colorman in the league for nothing, folks!
    • [to Jake]
    • Willie Mays Hayes: Cerrano's looking for some extra power for tonight. He's looking to sacrifice a live chicken. Man, we can't have people puking in the locker room before the game!
    • [Charlie and Rachel are having a meeting about the team]
    • Rachel Phelps: Any ideas?
    • Charlie Donovan: On how we can get worse?
    • Rachel Phelps: Mmmmm...
    • Charlie Donovan: How about a series of fines for good play? Maybe a $30,000 bonus to the guy voted Least Valuable Player.
    • Rachel Phelps: Maybe the problem is... we're coddling these guys too much. Yeah!
    • Heywood: Going somewhere, meat?
    • Willie Mays Hayes: About 90 feet.
    • [an Indians pitcher is removed from the game]
    • Harry Doyle: Well, you can close the book on Kellner.
    • [covers the microphone with his hand]
    • Harry Doyle: Thank God!
    • Eddie Harris: Up your butt, Jobu.
    • Willie Mays Hayes: We should've got the live chicken.
    • Harry Doyle: JUST a bit outside.
    • [first lines]
    • Rachel Phelps: Good morning, gentlemen, and welcome to another season of Indians baseball.
    • [last lines]
    • Eddie HarrisPedro Cerrano: We did it! We did it!
    • [watches a homerun from the opposing team sail into the stands]
    • Ross Farmer: Oh no, no. Too high, it's too high.
    • [from trailer; cut from final film; line reincarnated in Major League II]
    • [Vaughn is lamenting the long home run he gave up]
    • Jake Taylor: That ball wouldn't have been out of a lot of parks.
    • Rick Vaughn: Name one.
    • Jake Taylor: Yellowstone?
    • [Lou's talk to the team before the opening day game]
    • Lou Brown: All right people, we got 10 minutes 'till game time, let's all gather 'round. I'm not much for giving inspirational addresses, but I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves. Me, I'm for wasting sportswriters' time. So I figured we ought to hang around for a while and see if we can give 'em all a nice big shitburger to eat!
    • [entire team laughs]
    • [Taylor arrives to spring training]
    • Charlie Donovan: There's Jake Taylor.
    • Lou Brown: He was an all-star in Boston, wasn't he?
    • Charlie Donovan: Yeah, wound up in the Mexican League. Had problems with his knees.
    • Pepper Leach: Wish we had him two years ago.
    • Charlie Donovan: We did.
    • [Dorn drives up in a fancy car]
    • Lou Brown: I thought you said you didn't have any high-priced talent on this team.
    • Charlie Donovan: Forget Dorn, because he's only high-priced. Picked him up as a free-agent three years ago.
    • Lou Brown: Still hits the ball well, doesn't he?
    • Charlie Donovan: Yeah, just can't field it.
    • [Dorn gives a cocky gesture]
    • Lou Brown: We'll shape him up.
    • [Cerrano arrives at spring training]
    • Lou Brown: Who is that?
    • Charlie Donovan: Must be Cerrano. Defected from Cuba, wanted religious freedom.
    • Lou Brown: What's his religion?
    • Charlie Donovan: Voodoo.
    • Pedro Cerrano: Is very bad to steal Jobu's rum. Is very bad.
    • [experimenting Vaughn]
    • Lou Brown: Okay Vaughn. They say you're a pitcher, you're sure not much of a dresser. We wear caps and sleeves on this level, son. Understood? All right, let's see what you can do.
    • [Vaughn pitches and hits the backstop fence]
    • Lou Brown: Nice Velocity.
    • Pepper Leach: Sounded Like it.
    • Jake Taylor: Jesus!
    • Lou Brown: How Much?
    • [looking at his velocity gun]
    • Duke Temple: 96.
    • [to Temple]
    • Lou Brown: We better teach this kid some control before he kills somebody.
    • Lou Brown: What happened to the new whirlpool we're supposed to get?
    • Rachel Phelps: We're having a few problems that have forced us to cut back on equipment.
    • [taps Vaughn's cup]
    • Rachel Phelps: Ooh! Cups still work, though. We simply have to fix the old whirlpool.
    • Lou Brown: Yep, that's 6 times already. Now there is no hot water in the shower.
    • Rachel Phelps: The pipes in this building are old and rusty.
    • Suzanne Dorn: Mind if I join you?
    • Rick Vaughn: I don't think I'm very good company, right now.
    • Suzanne Dorn: Why not?
    • Rick Vaughn: The job I guess. I'm uh, a ball player.
    • Suzanne Dorn: That's not why I'm here. I don't chase ball players.
    • [Leans over to Vaughn]
    • Suzanne Dorn: I think you're the sexiest man I have ever layed my eyes on.
    • [calling the bartender]
    • Rick Vaughn: Check?
    • [Vaughn is coming out to pitch]
    • Harry Doyle: So, here is Rick Vaughn, the one they call the "Wild Thing". So, he sets and deals.
    • [Vaughn throws a wild pitch]
    • Harry Doyle: Just a bit outside, he tried the corner and missed.
    • [Vaughn throws another wild pitch]
    • Harry Doyle: Ball 4.
    • [Vaughn throws another wild pitch]
    • Harry Doyle: Ball 8.
    • [Vaughn throws another wild pitch]
    • Harry Doyle: Low, and he walks the bases loaded on 12 straight pitches. How can these guys lay off pitches that close?
    • [about Haywood]
    • Harry Doyle: Haywood is coming up to the plate, who is now leading the league in every offensive catagory, including nosehair.
    • [to Rexman]
    • Jake Taylor: Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down by one in the ninth. You got a chance to be a hero on national television... if you don't blow it. By the way, saw your wife last night, hell of a dancer, you must be very, very proud. I mean that guy she was with, I'm sure he's a close personal friend and all. But tell me, what was he doing wearing her panties on his head.
    • [Rexman pops the ball straight up]
    • Jake Taylor: Uh-oh, Rexy, I don't think this one's got the distance.
    • Roger Dorn: Lou! Can I have a word with you, here?
    • Lou Brown: Sure.
    • Roger Dorn: See, I've got it right here in my contract. It says, "I don't have to do any calisthenics that I don't feel are necessary." So what do you think about that?
    • [drops the contract on the ground and urinates on it, then walks off]
    • Chaire Holloway: So, what team do you play for?
    • Jake Taylor: The Indians.
    • Chaire Holloway: Here in Cleveland. I didn't know they still had a team?
    • Jake Taylor: Yeah. We have uniforms and everything, it's great.
    • Chaire Holloway: I heard that Ball players make a lot of money, how much you make?
    • Jake Taylor: I make the league minimum.
    • [after Vaughn was tossed from the game]
    • Harry Doyle: So, an eerie start for the Erie warriors as they drop a heartbreaker to the Yankees, nine to nothing. The pst game show is brought to you by...
    • [Rifles through papers]
    • Harry Doyle: Christ I can't find it, the hell with it.
    • [as Haywood hits a high-fly ball]
    • Harry Doyle: Haywood swings and crushes this one towrd South America. Tomlinson is gonna need a Visa to catch this one, it is out of here, and there is nothing left but a vapor trail.
    • Harry Doyle: And Heywood crushes one towards South America!
    • [after Vaughn throws 12 wild pitches and hits Coleman the next batter]
    • Harry Doyle: Whoa! It's about time, it's 8-nothing.
    • [after seeing Cerrano hit a few fastballs out of the park]
    • Lou Brown: Jesus, this guy hits a ton, how come no one else picked up on him?
    • Duke Temple: Alrght Eddie, that's enough fastballs throw'em some breaking balls.
    • [Then, Eddie throws Cerrano a curve ball, which Cerrano swings and misses]
    • Lou Brown: Two hands, Hayes!
    • Indians Fan: Hey, Vaughn. Can I have your autograph?
    • Jake Taylor: Yeah, well you're a celeberty now, Vaughn
    • [Hands Vaughn a match box with a pen]
    • Rick Vaughn: Sure.
    • [while signing the match box]
    • Rick Vaughn: My first autograph. I couldn't give these away a few weeks ago.
    • Indians Fan: I heard your news on the radio. You made their hall of shame.
    • [Becomes mildly annoyed, but gives back the match box to the fan]
    • [Under his breath]
    • Rick Vaughn: Nice hair.
    • [TV edited version]
    • Roger Dorn: Let's cut through the crap, Vaughn. I only got one thing to say to you: Strike this guy out!
    • Harry Doyle: The Indians win it! The Indians win it! Oh my GOD, the Indians win it!
    • [repeated line]
    • Rachel Phelps: Sit down, Charlie.
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