Demolition Man Movie Poster

Quotes from Demolition Man

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    • John Spartan: Send a maniac to catch one.
    • John Spartan: You're gonna regret this the rest of your life... both seconds of it.
    • Lenina Huxley: I was wondering if you would like to have sex?
    • [surprised]
    • John Spartan: Here? With you? Now?
    • [nervously, nodding]
    • Lenina Huxley: Mm-hmm.
    • John Spartan: Oh yeah.
    • [after futuristic, contact-free "sex"]
    • John Spartan: Look, Huxley, why don't we just do it the old-fashioned way?
    • [stands up, shocked]
    • Lenina Huxley: Eeewww, disgusting! You mean... *fluid transfer*?
    • Lenina Huxley: You are a savage creature, John Spartan, and I wish for you to leave my domicile now!
    • Simon Phoenix: Wait a minute, this is the future. Where are all the phaser guns?
    • John Spartan: Hey Luke Skywalker, use the force.
    • [after Spartan crashes in a police car]
    • Lenina Huxley: Look at you, you're a shambles!
    • John Spartan: Don't worry, I can fix it. All I need is a needle and thread.
    • [pause]
    • John Spartan: I really didn't say that, did I? Damn!
    • John Spartan: Huxley, look, this isn't the Wild West! The Wild West wasn't even the Wild West! Hurting people's not a good thing! Sometimes it is,
    • [turns to Cocteau]
    • John Spartan: but not when it's a bunch of people looking for something to eat!
    • Lenina Huxley: Looks like there's a new shepherd in town.
    • [Spartan gives her an exasperated look]
    • John Spartan: That's sheriff.
    • Lenina Huxley: Chief, you can take this job, and you can shovel it.
    • John Spartan: Take this job... and shovel it.
    • Lenina Huxley: Yeah?
    • John Spartan: Close enough.
    • Boggle Guard: Mellow greetings. What seems to be your boggle?
    • Lenina Huxley: The exchange of bodily fluids, do you know what that leads to?
    • John Spartan: Yeah, I do! Kids, smoking, a desire to raid the fridge.
    • Lenina Huxley: I find this lack of stimulus to be truly disappointing, don't you think?
    • Warden William Smithers - Aged: I try not to, my dear. However, you're young, think all you want!
    • Simon Phoenix: Simon says, "Die."
    • Simon Phoenix: Simon says, "Bleed."
    • Troubled Guy: I don't know... lately I just don't feel like there's anything special about me.
    • Booth: You are an incredibly sensitive man, who inspires joy-joy feelings in all those around you.
    • Erwin: We're police officers! We're not trained to handle this kind of violence!
    • John Spartan: I'm gonna go down there, I'm gonna find Phoenix, and I'm gonna put him in a hurt locker.
    • Taco Bell Patron: What would you say if I called you a brutish fossil, symbolic of a decayed era gratefully forgotten?
    • John Spartan: I don't know... thanks?
    • [Huge Explosion, John Spartan steps from the wreckage]
    • Simon Phoenix: I'll be god damned! Like a New York cockroach!
    • Simon Phoenix: I must've done something right in a previous life. Can't imagine what that could've been.
    • [a frozen naked criminal swings by overhead]
    • Simon Phoenix: I hope my butt didn't look like that! Okay, who do we have left that's good? Wilkes, Patrick... Jeffrey Dahmer? I love that guy!
    • John Spartan: You're on TV!
    • Dr. Cocteau: Well I must say that whacking, whatever it is, sounds most disagreeable.
    • Squad Leader: Simon Phoenix! Lie down with your hands behind your back.
    • Simon Phoenix: What's this? Six of you. Such nice, tidy uniforms. Oh I'm so scared!
    • [the Police Officers look at each other]
    • Simon Phoenix: What you guys don't have sarcasm anymore?
    • [Police Officer talks to his automated assistant]
    • Squad Leader: Maniac has responded with a scornful remark.
    • automated assistant: Approach, and repeat ultimatum in an even firmer tone of voice. Add the words, "or else".
    • Automated Announcer: The Armory exhibit is now sealed. All museum patrons still occupying the facility should remain calm. Help is imminent.
    • [the sealed Armory door is blown apart by a canon]
    • Simon Phoenix: The museum is no longer sealed, is it? Ha-ha! What can I say, I'm a blast from the past!
    • John Spartan: You should've stayed there.
    • Simon Phoenix: Oh boy, that voice sounds familiar. Who is that?
    • [opens fire]
    • Chief George Earle: We can just wait for another code to go red. And when Phoenix performs another Murder Death Kill, we'll know exactly where to pounce.
    • [sarcastic]
    • John Spartan: Great plan.
    • [not realising the sarcasm]
    • Chief George Earle: Thank you.
    • Erwin: He likes your plan, Chief!
    • [cops are singing along with "golden oldies": radio jingles]
    • John Spartan: Somebody put me back in the fridge.
    • John Spartan: Is it cold in here, or is it just me?
    • Simon Phoenix: Good memory.
    • Zachary Lamb - Aged: Phoenix is an old fashioned criminal. We need an old fashioned cop.
    • Lenina Huxley: No, John Spartan, you do not accuse the savior of our city of being in league with a multi-murder-death-killer like Simon Phoenix! It's... rude!
    • John Spartan: I'll be subtle. I'm good at subtle.
    • Dr. Cocteau: John Spartan, this display of barbaric behavior was unacceptable even in your time!
    • John Spartan: Yeah. But it worked.
    • [Shoots out the monitors with Cocteau's face on them]
    • John Spartan: When a man like Pheonix has a gun to your head, ten seconds is nine and a half seconds longer than you live.
    • Lenina Huxley: I have, in fact, perused some newsreels in the Schwarzenegger Library, and the time that you took that car...
    • John Spartan: Hold it. The Schwarzenegger Library?
    • Lenina Huxley: Yes. The Schwarzenegger Presidential Library. Wasn't he an actor when you...?
    • John Spartan: Stop! He was President?
    • Lenina Huxley: Yes! Even though he was not born in this country, his popularity at the time caused the 61st Amendment which states...
    • John Spartan: I don't wanna know. President...
    • [John Spartan landed on the police car stolen by Simon Phoenix]
    • Simon Phoenix: No free rides!
    • [last lines]
    • John Spartan: But there's just one thing I wanna know...
    • Lenina Huxley: Hm?
    • John Spartan: How's that damn three seashell thing work?
    • [after his gang kills Dr. Cocteau]
    • Simon Phoenix: Put another log on the fire!
    • [the gang throws Cocteau into the fireplace]
    • [shoots a CyroCon about to knife Spartan]
    • Lenina Huxley: That man has died by my hands.
    • John Spartan: It was him or us, Huxley.
    • Lenina Huxley: Well yeah, there is that.
    • [whispering to Lenina]
    • John Spartan: Look, I don't know if you guys know it, but uh... you're out of toilet paper.
    • [confused]
    • Alfredo Garcia: Did... did you say toilet *paper*?
    • Lenina Huxley: Um... they used handfuls of wadded paper back in the 20th...
    • [Lenina, Alfredo, and Erwin all laugh]
    • John Spartan: I'm happy that you're happy, but the place where you're supposed to have the toilet paper, you've got this little shelf with three seashells on it.
    • Erwin: He doesn't know how to use the three seashells!
    • [Erwin continues to laugh, then calms down]
    • Erwin: I can see how that could be confusing.
    • [Spartan encounters a burger grill in the underground world]
    • Lenina Huxley: Just don't ask them where the meat comes from.
    • John Spartan: Not bad! Matter of fact this is the best burger I've had in years!
    • Hamburger Stand Scrap: Gracias, Senor.
    • John Spartan: Prego. See ya later.
    • John Spartan: Huxley, what's that supposed to mean?
    • Lenina Huxley: Do you see any cows around here, detective?
    • John Spartan: Que es este carne?
    • [What is this meat?]
    • Hamburger Stand Scrap: Este carne es de rata.
    • [This meat is from rats]
    • John Spartan: Rat? This is a rat burger?
    • [vendor nods]
    • Dr. Cocteau: Be well!
    • John Spartan: Be fucked.
    • [commenting on his cryo-prison conditioning program]
    • John Spartan: I'm a seamstress? - That's great. I come out of cryo-prison and I'm Betsy-fucking-Ross...
    • [Simon goes to a computer terminal and is surprised to find his fingers flying across the keys with ease]
    • Simon Phoenix: Damn, I'm possessed! Wonder if I can play the accordion too...
    • [complementing Spartan]
    • Lenina Huxley: You are even better live than on Laserdisc!
    • Lenina Huxley: I thought your life force had been prematurely terminated!
    • John Spartan: Yeah, I thought I was history too. What the hell happened? All of a sudden, this car turned into a cannoli.
    • [to Cocteau]
    • Simon Phoenix: That's who you remind me of: an evil Mr. Rogers!
    • [Spartan and Huxley enter and see Cocteau's face speaking to them from dozens of monitors]
    • Dr. Cocteau: Forgive my lack of bodily disposition, but I do have an entire city government to run.
    • John Spartan: Yeah, well run this: you programmed Phoenix's rehabilitation program to turn him into a terrorist, and I don't think his escape was an accident either!
    • Lenina Huxley: Very subtle.
    • John Spartan: Thank you.
    • [after Spartan crashes in a police car]
    • Lenina Huxley: Look at you, you're in shambles!
    • John Spartan: Don't worry, I can fix it. All I need is a needle and thread.
    • [pause]
    • John Spartan: I really didn't say that, did I? Damn!
    • [referring to Phoenix]
    • Edgar Friendly: They thawed this guy out just to kill me? I'm flattered.
    • John Spartan: Don't be flattered, be frightened. This guy's a certifiable nightmare.
    • [John Spartan is about to bungee jump from a helicopter]
    • John Spartan: Send a maniac to catch one.
    • Warden William Smithers - Aged: Do you have anything new to say on your behalf?
    • Simon Phoenix: Yeah, I do. Teddy Bear!
    • Simon Phoenix: See, I told the city, I said "Look, nobody comes down here." Postmen figured it out. Policemen figured it out. But the goddamned bus drivers just wouldn't listen.
    • Lenina Huxley: Thank you for rendering me unconscious.
    • John Spartan: I think I'm gonna like the future.
    • John Spartan: Huxley, I did it for your own good.
    • Lenina Huxley: We're supposed to be a team.
    • John Spartan: We are.
    • [grabs Huxley, dips, and tongue-kisses her]
    • [shocked, but impressed]
    • Lenina Huxley: Oh, my. Are all bodily fluid transfers like this?
    • John Spartan: Better.
    • Lenina Huxley: Better? Oh, my.
    • [Huxley kisses Spartan]
    • Simon Phoenix: You're dead, Spartan!
    • John Spartan: You forgot to say Simon Says.
    • Zachary Lamb - Aged: Simon Phoenix is an old fashioned criminal. We need an old fashioned cop.
    • John Spartan: Is it cold in here, or is it just me?
    • Dr. Cocteau: John Spartan, this display of barbaric behavior was unacceptable even in your time!
    • John Spartan: Yeah. But it worked.
    • [Shooting]
    • John Spartan: When a man like Simon Pheonix pionts a gun at your head, 10 seconds is 9 1/2 seconds longer than you live.
    • [to Garcia]
    • John Spartan: We'll look at you. You get a bump on the noggin, and you think you're Pancho Villa?
    • [to Chief]
    • Edgar Friendly: We use these to shop for groceries.
    • [Garcia looks confused]
    • Alfredo Garcia: Who?
    • [Spartan shaking his head]
    • John Spartan: Never mind.
    • [to Spartan]
    • Edgar Friendly: Time to take a stand pal.
    • [to Edgar]
    • John Spartan: Well good. While you're doing that, loan me a gun.
    • [Edgar hands Spartan a gun]
    • John Spartan: Loan me two guns.
    • [Wastelander hands Spartan a waste belt with a gun in it. Spartan puts the belt over his shoulder]
    • [to Edgar and Wastelanders]
    • Chief George Earle: You'de use the weapons of mass destruction against men and women who uphold the law?
    • John Spartan: Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you back there.
    • Lenina Huxley: No need to make a de-hurtful retraction. I've just assimilated too much contraband. I fleshed you out as some blow-up-the-bad-guy-with-a-happy-grin-he-man type, but now I realize that you're the moody-troubled-past-gunslinger-who-only-draws-when-he-must type.
    • John Spartan: Huxley, stop.
    • Lenina Huxley: What?
    • John Spartan: I'm not any of that. I just do my job and things get...
    • Lenina Huxley: Get demolished.
    • John Spartan: You know, I keep looking around and I think about my daughter growing up in a place like this and I'm afraid she's gonna think I'm some kind of primitive. That I mean, as much as I wanna see her, I almost don't want to 'cause I wouldn't fit into the picture very well. Not very well at all.
    • Dr. Cocteau: Isn't there a thought repeating in that barbaric brain of yours? The name Friendly? Mr. Edgar Friendly? Don't you have someone to kill?
    • Chief George Earle: I monitored your disheartening and distressing comments to the warden this morning. Do you really long for chaos and disharmony? Your fascination with the vulgar 20th century seems to be affecting your better judgement. You realize you're setting a bad example for other officers and sworn personnel.
    • Lenina Huxley: Thank you for the attitude adjustment, Chief Earle. Info assimilated.
    • [14:38]
    • Erwin: Greetings and salutations. Welcome to the emergency line of the San Angeles Police Department. If you'd prefer an automated response, press 1 now.
    • John Spartan: Heads up!
    • [decapitates frozen Phoenix]
    • [first lines]
    • Zachary Lamb - Young: Remember when they used to let commercial airlines land in this town?
    • Helicopter Pilot: Yeah. Well, I don't understand where we're going, or why the hell we're bothering anyhow.
    • [after he's made Huxley a sweater]
    • John Spartan: I came out of rehab and the first thing I wanted to do was *knit*!
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