Bad Moms Movie Poster

Quotes from Bad Moms

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    • Stacy: You know what, I think I'd let him put it in my butt. I'm not really into the butt thing but I would let him go to town back there.
    • Vicky: I'm with you.
    • [about Kiki]
    • Gwendolyn: Oh my gosh, she just got her sadness all over me.
    • [to Kiki]
    • Carla: Oh, hey, I know you. You're that chick that always picks up my kid from school when I forget-slash-don't want to.
    • Carla: First of all, you're so not a failure as a mother. In fact, you're the best mother that we've ever seen.
    • Kiki: True that!
    • Carla: You give your kids salad. Your remember your kids birthdays! I mean, I've sat here and watched you wait until your kid fell asleep before you got high.
    • Amy: Most moms do that, Carla.
    • Principal Burr: I found marijuana cigarettes in your daughter's locker. Now, it looks like Sour Diesel or a little Afghan Kush.
    • Amy: That's impossible; she's only twelve!
    • Principal Burr: It happens. Snoop's been smoking since he was five.
    • Gwendolyn: I'm pretty sure my brother-in-law just joined ISIS and he's a Jew.
    • Dylan: Hey so, where's my science project?
    • Amy: Oh, I didn't do it.
    • Dylan: What? But it's due today!
    • Amy: Yeah. I know, I know. I'm so sorry, but you're going to actually have to start doing your own homework from now on.
    • Dylan: I am a slow learner, remember?
    • Amy: You're not a slow learner, you're just entitled... do you know what 'entitled' means?
    • Dylan: No. Because I'm a slow learner.
    • Amy: It means that mummy and daddy have been spoiling you, and now you think that the world owes you something, but it doesn't. And if you don't learn how to work hard now, then you're going to just grow up to be like another entitled little white dude who thinks he's awesome for no reason. And then you'll start a Ska Band and it'll be awful and you'll be mean to girls, and you'll grow this ironic moustache to look interesting but you won't actually be interesting, and I'm not okay with that so would you please, please just do your own homework?
    • [Carla explained uncut cock to Amy using Kiki's sweatshirt as model]
    • Kiki: I'm not gonna wear this sweatshirt ever again.
    • Carla: My kid still watches Sesame Street and he doesn't get it.
    • Carla: Hey, Jaxon. I made you lunch today. It's some humus wrap with some kale.
    • Jaxon: Gross!
    • Carla: Yeah, I know, it sounds totally disgusting, but it's supposed to be good for you, so... And I'm gonna come to your baseball game tomorrow night.
    • Jaxon: For real?
    • Carla: I'm gonna stay the whole stupid game. Mmm-hmm. Because... I love you, and stuff. Still cannot believe I pushed that thing outta my chooch.
    • Amy: This party is raging.
    • Kiki: They're delicious!
    • Martha Stewart: I start my day with six of these.
    • Kiki: What a turnout.
    • Martha Stewart: Hi, would you ladies like a Jell-O shot?
    • Amy: Is that, is that? Martha Stewart! Martha, Oh, my God.
    • Kiki: Thank you. Oh, my God.
    • Martha Stewart: Good, right?
    • Carla: I'm cumming.
    • Kiki: Oh, my God. What's in this?
    • Martha Stewart: Well, it's bespoke lingonberry gelatin... and a shitload of vodka.
    • Kiki: Sometimes when I'm driving all by myself, I have this fantasy that I get into a car crash. Not a big one with fire and explosions, but just like a little one, but I do get injured and I get to go to the hospital for two weeks and I sleep all day and I eat Jell-O and I watch so much TV and it's all covered by my insurance. My kids bring me balloons, and the nurses rub cream on my feet, and oh, my God, it's so amazing. Is that like something you guys fantasize about, too?
    • AmyCarla: No.
    • Carla: You're batshit crazy.
    • Amy: Yeah.
    • Carla: And I'm never gonna get into a car with you.
    • Kiki: Do you go to all of his games?
    • Carla: No. No, I don't. The last game I went to was six hours long and the final score was one to two. So, I'd rather go to Afghanistan than another kids' baseball game.
    • Kiki: Oh, wow. This bra will be the death of your vagina!
    • Jane: How do you know?
    • Amy: Because I'm your mom. I know what you're made of.
    • Kiki: Quitting is for dads!
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